A Letter To My Younger Self
When I was seventeen.
Today is the day that I write a letter on my blog to myself. I am now 23 years old and a wife. I work a part-time job, and I am a YouTuber. I am now an impulsive young woman chasing her dreams. No longer, I am that small-town village girl. I am living in a city with dreams that I am still molding along with God to come true. I want to tell you; Seventeen year old, Linda how much you have changed for the better...
You came from a very humbling beginning. There was nothing handed to you in this world. You was looked down on by many people. Countless of people that we won't spend time on trying to count on your fingers. You aren't as poor as you may think you are. I know that you spent nights questioning God, why you grew up poor? I know that you spent nights questioning God about your pain! What you need to do is let that sh*t go.
But, for some reason you choose not to. The pain and the resentment that you have harvested in your heart for your bitter aunt, Beulah will pass. Of course, she will make you and your younger sister, Patricia feel like y'all aren't worth anything. The reason why she talked down on you and Patricia is mainly because she is envious of you both. Okay, I know you are probably rolling your eyes on the outside, but I know you are mentally in a deep thought.
You allowed your auntie to belittle you for a long time. You watched your mother fail to step up and be your counselor. You yearned to have someone to talk to that understood you. In time you will learn that everyone is not out to get you. It is truly okay, to sometimes let your guard down and let your emotions out, but don't become vulnerable.
Remember, that your life's worth living and all those times you wanted to commit suicide that you didn't, because of the grace of God. You fought battles that the enemy thought you would fail and you did not. At this time in your life, you are being bullied by people at your high school. People at your high school, who will eventually watch your success and growth in silence. The people who bully you and have bullied you in the past are people who you will NEVER see again. You already know by now the saying,
"IT'S NOT WHAT PEOPLE CALL YOU IT'S WHAT YOU ANWSER TO."
I wish that I can tuck you in at night and kiss you on your forehead. I would tell you that there is no such thing as the boogie-monster; in hopes to see you smile one last time before you close your eyes. I wish that I can talk to you in your dreams and tell you to remind yourself everyday that you are beautiful. Your mother loves you dearly. She just has a very tough way of showing it, because her mother was the same way towards her. You will HEAL from this. I know you want to have memories spent around the a huge cherry oak waxed dinner table. You want to learn things about building your credit, going off to college, your mother's first kiss from YOUR MOTHER. But, cheer UP you big ball of rage and emotion.
Your first job at Popeye's will not scorn you. I know you can still envision yourself packing orange labeled boxes of 2 and 12 pieces mixed chicken; in a matter of a couple of seconds. Even though, you will look forward to every little sixty or hundred dollar check after two weeks to your 'gritty aunt will DEMAND for your check for gas money.' You will only be left with 20 dollars to make last and the same pair of Van's sneakers for a year straight.
Finally, you will understand after a lot of pain and frustration that blood is not always thicker than water. The people that you call or label as family will and can disown you. When you see their true colors come to light keep it in your little black book and smile. You WILL learn the truth without asking why.
You will learn to value the effort of hard work, and realize that you don't have to work a 9-5 to make an honest living. The smell of buttery biscuits and grease stained pants will harden you. (How crazy does that sound today, girl?) Oh, and you will learn how to drive and get your driver's license 'without your bitter aunt.'
Going to church every Sunday will strengthen you spiritually. You will learn to break harmful habits and dead-end friendships. Going natural will reinvent your outside appearance, but only God can work on the internal (when you allow HIM to.) Oh, and becoming a female rapper will not bring you success, but keep the nickname. I want you to know that you will become famous one-of-these-God-given-days, so never stop what keeps you grounded. Lynn, you will also find love. You will fall for a God fearing man who loves Christ just as much as you do.
Pray, love, and write without ceasing.As the years will go by, you will love and accept the woman you are becoming. You will embrace change and welcome it with open arms. I want you to know that the many mistakes that you will make along the way will become imperfections. Those imperfections will create a stronger woman. A stronger woman who knows what she was placed on this earth to do. I love you and keep striving and be patient. God got you!
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