On December 30th, 2018, I made a trip back to my hometown. My visit back to Napoleonville was to see my mama and Uncle Louis. Happiness filled my soul as the car ride there grew shorter. Of course, on the ride there, I sang and rapped to more than just a couple of songs too. This time around, things just felt different. I wasn’t emotional. I’m always a cry baby when it comes to reminiscing.
Just seeing my mom in good health was an awesome feeling. My uncle didn’t say much to my surprise. I think he was just shaken up by something. I’m not sure. Plus, having to visit them at my auntie’s trailer makes me want better for them. So much has changed since the last time I went to visit them. I want the better for them that they probably do not think exists.
I understand how narrow-minded my mama is. Uncle Louis can be narrow-minded as well. I learned a long time ago to keep my big dreams to myself. If I were to speak one day about buying my mama a nice house or trailer, she wouldn’t believe me.
I have never been a selfish dreamer anyway. My dreams have always been rooted in blessings for my family. If I didn’t help my people when I come up, I wouldn’t live to my fullest potential.
Even though I’m a mother now, I don’t place my dreams on the back burner. I’m a grown woman who’s no longer shunned for having big dreams. In fact, my dreams and visions are guarded against my immediate family. They just will have to see how God works for me and my favor. I’m also at peace with my truth. Everyone who you call family won’t clap or celebrate for you. You must know how to accept what and who you cannot change. You will soon then discover peace within your growth.
God has plenty of supersize blessings in store for me. Are you ready for the truth? Well, I just am damn if I speak on what I have plans on accomplishing to my immediate family or just dream killers in general. Growing up rough and learning to hustle to make ends meet made my defenses stronger. I’m happy that no one ever believed in me. If they did, maybe my approach to my hustle would be different. Maybe my relationship with Christ would not be as strong as it is today. I would never know, and I’m cool with that.
Being a mother has me more aware of my prayer life. I often think about my own mother's love, frustration, and self-esteem issues while raising her three children.
The times were different, but I’m pretty sure the mental wounds are still fresh. You can only cope with so much mentally without having a support system. I never asked my mom about her dreams. I would love to know if she ever has a vision bigger than her heart? I'm just afraid that her answer would be no.
The way she grew up really had a huge impact on how she sees the world today. I envision her seeing life in black and white. I do not judge her for her views. I just don’t ever want my son and future kids to live a life without a vivid imagination. I broke that and many other generational curses and views that were placed upon my immediate family.
Seeing my mother with her grandson was great. Of course, there are days I wish my mother was closer to my new family and me. However, the distance between us does not define the love that’s there. Being able to spend quality time with my mama will always be worth it. I will always cherish her. I will always admire her strength. Her prayers for me have brought me well into motherhood. I’m thankful for the memories. I’m still looking forward to more priceless experiences with my mother.
If you enjoyed this blog post, then I’m sure you would enjoy this one.
Share with me a priceless moment that you remember with your mother or guardian in the comment box below.
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