When a woman knows who she is, that is when she becomes powerful. She is no longer walking into rooms hoping to be accepted, validated or liked. That woman is walking into rooms to build something for her future.
It is true that many of us were taught to believe that being liked at work meant we were doing something right. We thought being friendly, agreeable, and easy going would make our work lives smoother. But the truth is “in my best Fantasia singing voice” workplaces can sometimes feel like high school all over again.
There are cliques.
There is pettiness galore.
There are tight circles that do not always leave room for others.
Then there may be you. Sometimes, if you do not want to be a part of any circle.
You might wonder what it is about you. You may question how you can be more of a team player even if you have already been one. You catch yourself overthinking and then in that moment you value that you did not wake up and come here to compete for popularity. What you came here to do is gain experience, grow, and move forward. See once you shift in thinking it changes everything.
Instead of placing any focus on who is including you in lunch plans or group moments, you start paying attention to things that actually matter. What is that you may ask? The skills you are learning. The experience you are gaining. Oh, and the doors that may open later because you showed up and did your job even on the days you felt defeated. Once you stop chasing approval, you start building into your confidence. It is not the loud kind of confidence that needs attention. Instead, it is the quiet kind of confidence that comes from knowing your purpose.
You begin to understand that not every environment is meant to be your forever place.
Some places are training grounds. They teach you patience. They help you build insight on your character strengths and flaws. They teach you observation. They teach you how to navigate different personalities. Most importantly, they teach you what kind of professional you want to become, and who you do not want to ever gauge into. Every experience, even the uncomfortable ones, becomes part of your story that you are accountable to accept. That way if you ever find yourself feeling like you are standing outside of someone else’s circle at work, remember this:
Your worth is not measured by how many coworkers invite you into their social group. Your worth is measured by the direction your life is moving. You’re not there to win over people with your energy. You are there to gain knowledge, blossom your skills, and position yourself for the next opportunity.
You can also remember that the most powerful move a woman can make is walking into a workplace is to leave your personal views at home. Do not mix your personal life with work and leave the foolery you witness on the playground. Do the work. Learn the lessons. Then move forward when the time is right.
All bosses know that leveling up has never required permission from anyone else in the room.
* This post reflects personal reflections on workplace growth and does not reference any specific employer or individuals.
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