I don't know what hurts worse seeing my mother for the first time in almost two years see her grandson and seeing her eyes filled with tears. Or seeing my mother looking ill and not being able to fully grasp if she knows that she has a serious underlying health issue that needs to be treated immediately. Today I cried a painful cry filled with so much pain once I made it home from seeing both my mother and uncle Louis.

“Y’all come on inside a get some of this sugar water! It’s too hot outside and y’all sweating.” My mama would yell over me and my younger sister’s laugher in the backyard. 

If you did not get an opportunity to read my previous blog post just click here. This past weekend was Essence Fest and I had the opportunity to work as a YouTube brand ambassador for two events. I worked for both events on Saturday.

It’s a Monday through Saturday routine of hiding my head behind my computer monitor while asking a random customer how may I help them. Then sometimes follow up by sending them out the drive through tube with the slip or blank check that they desire. After that action, I seep back down into my chair and try to best position myself behind the computer monitor, mainly because folks serve me nasty, impatient, and threatening looks majority of the time. I’ll say 95% of the time in a week span. I swear if looks could really kill, I would have been laid out in my very own blood behind the bullet proof glass in the drive through window.


One thing about me, I am a very social person. If you were to see me at my part-time job, you probably would not even guess it! I love interacting with people from all sorts of walks of life, however when I get to work I just feel like I am less than who I truly am. I don’t make my standard referrals for the quarter. If you don’t know what that means, basically I don’t get any checking or savings accounts open or even credit cards.

My job title every week just dangles in my face hanging from a piece of thread. If you know anything about the banking field then you probably would know that if you can not sell you won't keep a job. I mute out my weakness on the job by interacting with my co-workers on a daily basics. Interacting with them keeps my mind off the competitive atmosphere we strive to do our best in. I find myself being nervous at times to take customers.

You would think of almost nine months on the job I would be comfortable, but I am not. I believe that my true feelings show especially when I make eye contact with the customers. I’m still grasping onto the reasons and the meanings as to why God took me from working as a gas station associate to becoming a bank teller.

To be honest, I doubted that I would ever land a banking job in my life. That’s since, I truly dislike math with a passion. I never questioned my walk with Christ this far. Being judged for walking to work, because I have yet to have a car, but a driver’s license is one thing. Being judged for your walk with Christ on a daily stride is another. Before, I even discovered that I was pregnant or even had a thought I was I knew in my heart that this year was going to be a year of change. This year was going to be my last year in the banking field and at my current job.

This year, was going to truly bring out something special that is with stored within me. Well, my friend, this year I am going to step out on faith. I am going to become a mother for the very first time. I am going to pursue my writing career and build my brand during it all. I will step away for maternity leave from my part time job and I won’t look back. You see I am not a random black girl with natural hair and works as a bank teller.

 I am an empowering and highly motivated black woman who is still chasing her dreams no matter her circumstances. I am thankful for having the opportunity to experience being a bank teller and I am going to be forever thankful. Jesus is still laying the ground work for me and guess what, the plans that He has for my life shall be amazing. I am on the road to still discovering my inner strength one step at a time.

What's roaming through your mind? I hope that I gave you more than just a little something to think about or talk about.

These past few weeks away from my blog has really lead me into deep thinking. I am now officially as of today 9 weeks pregnant. '

To many people, they may think, "Oh wow, Lynn! Do you want a cookie?"

I already have grasped on to the understanding that people who are already insecure about their own life and lifestyle will drag for someone like me regardless. However, I don't care for other people's input on the life that is growing inside of my womb and neither a got-damn cookie. I have admired many woman embrace motherhood with open arms and have reached out to many of those women before I even conceive. The more I truly think about these next six months are going to be, I thank God for this journey that I am on now.

Just allow me to be me! No, as a matter of fact, I'm going to be me regardless. To be honest it took growth for me to even be able to say that second sentence with self-validation! I understand that being a BLACK an unapologetic woman in America could be so painful. Every day in America there is a BLACK woman no matter her age could be, fighting to live her dreams.

Dreams that could and shall pave the way for other BLACK women to be bold and persistent with their growth. I have not always been confident in being a BLACK woman. And here is my story and advice for other women... 

Psst... there is someone secretly cheering for you and you are too busy doubting yourself. Have you ever been so caught up with seeing all your faults, and the where you went wrongs that you haven't been paying attention to your own greatness? I am going to raise my hand and take a stand and tell you that I was once too busy doubting my damn self.

I stumbled across this amazing and soul changing artwork earlier this week on Pinterest. During the week I was having a deep thought about how far Jesus has already brought me. I found myself teary-eyed one day while I was on my lunch break after thinking about the goodness of God. How the God we serve is such a forgiving, uplifting, and loving God. Around this time last year, I was walking around with a lot of pain bottled up in my heart. I was frustrated, angry, and faking my happiness.

Ode to the joys, pain, and the excitement it is to become a mother. People seem to ask me all the time, "Linda, when you and your husband are going to have a baby?" All I can honestly say is, "Well, whenever God knows we are ready." At this point in my life, God knows that I am not ready to become a mother nor is my husband ready to be a father. However, I love envisioning having my own family with my husband in my daydreams.

The month of July isn't even over as of today. So much has happened in these past two weeks that it has been mind blowing. The day that I started my job my husband lost his. Yes, God moves in mysterious ways. (I will touch on this more.) I am now in my second week of being at my new job. It took me three days into my new job to truly realize that I won't be constantly making any hot coffee or mopping sales floors during the late afternoon hours. The need to clean and hop on the register has ceased. I last week I had to accept the change and the blessing that God has given me.

There I was at one of the three cash registers with one of my co-workers on the side of me taking a guest. The line was growing longer with every customer that was checked out. I looked down at the bottom of my register's screen and the time displayed 5:55pm. "Can I take the next guest?" I asked as I pursed my lips together and positioned my scanner to start ringing up items....