I got an email that started with… ‘I secretly got on birth control… am I wrong?

This email made my eyes water, because I know too many women living this exact life in silence.

“Hey Linda, you can share this publicly if you want because I know I’m not the only woman going through this. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We have 4 kids together and live in a small two bedroom apartment. We have been here for some years now and I want better for us. 

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I recently experienced a moment in my life that felt bigger than the title that came with it. Being named TA of the Year was one of those moments for me. Not because of the award itself, but because of everything it represents.

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Hey, Sha! Can we just take a second to woo-sa? This month has been an absolute whirlwind. Plus, if I’m being honest, I’ve been living "under the ringer" lately. But you know what? I have realized I do a lot of my work best when the pressure is on.

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You might miss her at first glance. A dependable woman is not flashy. She is unforgettable. She is the quiet force in the background. She is never shouting for attention or applause, although her actions speak volumes. She does not need to broadcast her every move in life. 

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Shaking this heaviness of the season away has not been easy. I am not looking to come off in a dramatic way. Plus, I am not carrying this statement in a “everything is falling apart” kind of way. I am serving this in that quiet yet constant way. The way in which you are carrying a lot, thinking about a lot, and still expected to show up like everything is fine. The truth is, I have been overwhelmed.

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I asked him for help. I genuinely asked with good intentions. Not for everything. Not for anything crazy at all; just something. Life be lifing. I am raising two elementary school aged kids, working, showing up, handling everything like most mothers do. So I asked… and he said no.

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There are some moments that bring that childhood joy out of you. This past Saturday was one of those moments for me. I bought my first car. I am talking about my life ever. 

Car Buying Day at The Dealership

When a woman knows who she is, that is when she becomes powerful. She is no longer walking into rooms hoping to be accepted, validated or liked.  That woman is walking into rooms to build something for her future.

Hey, Sha. Let's sit back and talk, 'cause there's somethin' I just gotta share with ya’, somethin' that’s changed my whole peace of mind. I wanted to touch on how I do not argue anymore. Now, do not be thinkin' I am under someone’s control or a cat got my tongue or anything. Lord knows I still have plenty to say. I am not a weak or  scared chick, bless your heart. Nah, the truth is, that it took me some time, but I have learned a valuable lesson about what arguing really is. It is for folks who still think if they just explain it one more time, they will somehow be understood.

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Hey, honey, pull up a chair. Grab you a glass of lemonade or maybe somethin’ a little stronger (I won’t tell). Let me tell you a story ‘bout a guh you used to know. Of course, she is me, but a few lifetimes back. If this feels a little too much like sittin’ on a back porch swing after supper time, well, honey, that’s exactly the vibe I’m goin’ for.

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Valentine’s Day used to hit me like a bluesy saxophone on a gentle New Orleans night. It reminded me of what was not there. I had thoughts about what hadn’t happened yet.  I was even plagued with thoughts of love should look by now. But honey, this year, there is a whole different rhythm in the air.

Down here in Louisiana, I have learned not to waste my breath trying to drag folks where they don’t wanna go. Here are a few things that I have learned in the month of January to carry me along the way for this year in no order.

Season 30 Ep 3

Looking Back: My 32nd Year

Listen, let me talk to you straight. I’m talkin’ real southern, sugar cane stalk and all, because there is no shame in my timeline. I am not sugarcoating a thing.

Let me lay it out, just as handwashed clothes with Ivory soap were placed on a clothesline to dry on a warm summer’s day. For years, I carried this quiet pressured weight wondering if tying the knot at 20 meant I was falling behind. Never spoke about it out loud. I let the thought settle deep. Often it showed up every time I caught myself measuring my life against somebody else’s highlight reel.

Waiting to be chosen again...was never the plan.

This year, before my birthday came around, I did not sit my ass down waiting for some dude to promise me forever. Nah, my girl, I made that promise to myself. Real talk, I went and slid a ring on my own finger. It is crazy ‘cause I have not sported a ring on my ring finger that meant something since the fall of 2022. This time around I wanted to purchase an engagement ring. Not ‘cause I was pressed to be chosen or lonely. 

I see you stopped by. It is good that you are here. See, I wanted to share something personal that’s been brewing for a while. Brewing like dark roast espresso beans on a slow-paced Sunday morning. A Sunday morning when it feels like all you have is peace in the light of the day. You know how sometimes a small online shift can spark real change? Well, after months of consideration, I finally decided to update my Instagram handle to reflect my maiden name.

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I want to share something real with you. There was a time in my life when every boundary I tried to set felt like it needed a whole story. It was as if I had to justify my feelings or decisions with paragraphs of explanation. I used to think that if I verbally made myself clear enough, people would understand, and respect me and my mind. However, here is the thing I did not see back then was the folks who benefited from me not having boundaries? They are not confused when you finally set them. What happens is that they are annoyed. They get flustered because it is no longer as convenient for them.

There is no need to sink into January begging God to shift everything for you. For me I am not entering this year in a hopeful or fragile way. I am entering it rooted. Steady. Clear. For you, my reader She’s Found Strength is not only a blog title anymore. My blog is a lived experience. This year does not begin with resolutions scribbled down in pencil. It begins with boundaries written in ink. 

Imagine a dating culture conquered by snakes, no constant stimulation and sexual bravado. Can it get worse? Well, let’s add performative confidence and no emotional depth. This is the awful reality that many people have faced within the status of dating, and it has become almost unrecognizable. Of times, attention is mistaken for intention.