Many years ago, before my marriage I found myself caught up in my feelings. I wanted love from a guy who I was friends with very badly, however, we were supposedly just friends and he was in a serious relationship with his girlfriend of almost a year during that time. Back then he was the guy, I really thought I had a future with. 

I was holding on to his half-ass promises of him leaving her to be with me. Let’s just say to speed this very frank story up that days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and another year flew right on by. Being caught up in the thought of him being with me made me wish that it was me who he was spending New Year’s Eve with while watching the fireworks from a distance. 

I was just a teenager who came from a single-parent home, who was becoming a hopeless romantic who should have been more focused on other things to occupy my time. Instead, I was calling, texting, and being lead on by a guy who really did not want to in a physical relationship with me. He just enjoyed the freakin’ thought! The thought of what life would his life would have become to be with me! He never seriously acted out on leaving her, just making me jealous, bitter, and insecure. And damn was I becoming insure!

Let me tell you that if a man wants to have his current girlfriend, fiancĂ©, or wife in the picture and still mess with you on the side then you created that option. Allowing any man to come and go as he please mainly because you are his side piece isn’t healthy for you. Eventually, your emotions will start stringing to him.

You will start becoming obsessed with the thought of being his main woman. You will find ways to find out more about his main girl. Then you will start mentally comparing yourself to her and letting your thoughts be voiced to him. 

A man will use what he already has learned to be your weakness such things as money, sex, gifts, studio time, or even drugs to keep you like his other option. 

My question to you is, “How comfortable you are with being that other option?”

He may paint a vivid picture to you about how much he can’t stand being with his main girl. But then when mad day disappears they are both cheesed out in a photo on a date night and he promised you Fire Stick and chill for the following weekend. 

Queen, you deserve to be valued and that’s first by yourself. 

I understand that you may feel like you are pushing all the lovely dovey ish under a rug and just happy to be close to the guy, but we both know it’s deeper than that. The money, sex, and even the gifts are nice. The sweet and constant text messages or FaceTime’s seem amazing now, but his heart is somewhere else since he is in a committed relationship with another woman. Don't allow him to tell you otherwise. He may say his relationship status with HER is complicated, but with you, it does not have to a damn fantasy fling.

Allow yourself time away from him to gather yourself and your self-worth. Once you realize that you cannot get the time back you have tried to invest in him in will be worth it. There is also a saying that goes, “You get them the same way that you lose them.” It’s all about your mind frame and your self-worth. Are you stronger than your love or lust for a man that truly does not value you, Queen?

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