What loneliness, exhaustion, and the longing for mutual care taught me.

I came closer to shutting down than most people knew. There were so many spirals of depression, financial pressure, disappointment, and loneliness that had piled up until I felt trapped inside my own life. I kept moving only because life required me to. However, inside, I was exhausted in a way that sleep could not fix.

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Some days in October, I could feel the tears coming before I even knew which problem I was crying about. Was it the school calling again? The fear that my son's needs could cost me a stable job? The bills, the assignments, or the guilt that I was not giving my daughter enough of me? 

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Halloween is the one time of year some folks like to dress up like villains, monsters, and every creepy crawlin’ thing that goes tooting it up in the night and call it fun. However, let me tell y’all what is spookier than any haunted house in the hood. 

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You know what is spookier than Halloween? Sitting in your apartment on a Sunday evening, minding your business, knowing damn well you paid your electric bill, and suddenly everything goes black. I am talking not a flicker. Not a warning. Just complete darkness. 

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