I ghosted a few of my so-called best friends on purpose. I have no regrets. In fact, it made me a better friend. I realized that I no longer had much to anything in common with my friends at the time. 

Photo by Godisable Jacob

We would hardly talk, text, or show love to one another on social media. It was as if we had something against each other’s lifestyles. I don’t know for sure what it was. It was almost as if they lurked my pages and did not openly support me. Which was understandable. I just did not know why they stuck around to lurk instead of calling me?

After I had my son, I realized that I could not associate myself with anything or anyone who reminded me of my past life. None of them visited me after I had my son. None of them placed any effort into getting to know my son. 

I was holding onto friendships with old co-workers that were formed by gossip. I was holding on to friendships with people who lived close by but never placed any effort into linking up with me. I was still trying to hold on to so-called friendships with women who carried far too much emotional baggage for me to handle.

I just wanted to be able to say that I had “friends.” Friends who I had to play guessing games with to get them to open up and talk. Friends that never prayed for me. Friends that always thought that just because I was married that I had a more comfortable way of living than them.

I have been married since I have been 20 years old. I am a self-proclaimed loner with a radiant personality. Once I told some girls that I was married, they just avoided getting to be my friend all-together. I started to believe that no one wanted to be close friends with a young married black girl. They would follow me on social media, but that would be it.

The ones who took a chance with being my friend had their own motivates or hidden intentions for talking to me. That’s just how I always felt. I never had any photos with the so-called best friends I ghosted. I felt like I was a side chick

They kept me as a secret. Many people who I considered my close friends only talked to me when it benefited them. I sometimes met a few of their friends or family, but it was not like they genuinely knew my character. 

I use to carry a lot of their burdens as if they were my own. 

I open the door to the apartment that I shared with my husband for them at the latest of hours. I open my home to them without any hesitation.

I sympathized, prayed, and cried with them and for them. 

I gave them the best and unfiltered advice that I could speak. I loved my friends at this point in time, but not enough to choose them over my sanity. It was my choice to ghost them. Yes, I am a writer. Yes, I love to be an open book. However, what do you say to people that you have grown apart from? What do you say to people that leave you feeling empty? 

I had no words.
My words to them no longer had meaning.
I allowed their phone calls 
and text messages to go unanswered.
Yes, they eventually got the picture
without me adding a caption.
I mentally let them go without having to physically speak.
Friendship with me no longer exists.

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