First Christmas Eve Without The Narc

in , , by Linda B Hurd, December 24, 2021

My kids and I are in our hotel bed the night before Christmas. The day was calm, and the night was peaceful. My mind wandered about how things would be if I had my own? My own job. My own stable income. My own apartment is our house for my children and me. Then I snapped back into reality and reminded myself that it is all on the way! 

Christmas Eve 2021

Earlier this week, I decided to take an Uber with my children shopping for the very first time. I took a bold step towards my Independency by stepping out with my kids with no help during the busiest time of the year. I was a little nervous shopping alone with my 4-year-old and four-month-old daughter. 

Since becoming a mother of two, I have never gone out in public 2 shop alone with them both. My anxiety wasn't bad. I was just more cautious of how both of my kids were behaving. I knew my time while shopping was short and had to be precise to our needs. It didn't take long for Alina to start whining. 

As soon as she did, I picked her up as I stopped pushing the basket while cruising the aisles of Target and began navigating through the many customers with the guidance of my right hand. Alina was on my left shoulder looking around curiously, and Eli soon saw something he wanted and started acting up. Whew. I had my work cut out for me while shopping for clothes for us all with hardly any room in my basket due to Alina's car seat taking up most of the inside of the basket.

I saw the looks on some people's faces of astonishment as I whipped the target basket like an ole school red candy painted chevy on an eye-catching set of rims through the aisles. I took on the challenge of keeping my patience in check and being mindful of Eli and Alina's behavior, so I could head to check out and book our Uber to get back to our room. I was stopped so many times in Target by other customers. I received many compliments on my children and my hair that I was even checking out blushed from the love. On our Uber ride home, I talked with my Uber diver, a man, about what brought me to Baton Rouge. 

He intensely looked back at my kids in his backseat and me while at a red light with watery blue eyes. He told me that he never heard a story as sad as his mind throughout the entire three and a half years of driving for Uber, especially during this time of the year. He reminded me that I had every right to be happy and that my joy was infectious. He was so appalled that I had worn a smile throughout my painful separation from my spouse. I told him that I would rather be happy than bitter any day. 

A prayer a day will decrease the sadness day by day. This Christmas eve has shown me the importance of keeping my peace and head up high. My Uber driver had fought back the tears from hearing just a little bit of my story. As I was assisted by a hotel employee who helped bring my bags to our room, I was just filled with thankfulness. 

When you put out beautiful energy, it is returned in many ways. I want to remind you to radiate with grace, and the rest will follow. Do not dwell on your circumstances. Cry and feel your emotions, then step out and conquer your day! You can do it scared, lonely, or afraid just don't settle in your pain. 

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