How Hypersexual Music and Culture Shape Who Gets Chosen, and Who Gets Ignored
Shake, shimmy, twerk, or pop that thang! When it comes to dating in Southeast Louisiana it exists at the intersection of culture, rhythm, and spectacle. Hypersexual music does not play lowly in the background here. Hypersexual music socializes here.
It teaches before parents’ finish talking. It speaks through the speakers of phones before schools’ finish warning, and before dating even begins. The lyrics to head bobbing beats reduce intimacy to evoke access. The lyrics then spark a sexual connection to performance which then transforms desire into currency and attention into validation.
Sociologically speaking, this environment reinforces a transactional dating culture. Before your eyes our bodies are marketed with lust. Emotional labor is undervalued. The instant gratification is mistaken for compatibility.
Within this framework, women are subtly coached to choose between two extremes. These two extremes are to be visibly sexual or be functionally invisible. When it comes to modesty, while it is often praised in theory, it occupies trivial social capital. In a culture where desirability is measured by visibility and response modesty takes a shallow seat in a cold corner.
I learned early during my post-divorce dating that being reserved did not make me “highly regarded” in the way I was promised by dating coaches. As a matter of fact, modesty made me overlooked.
Not protected. Not pursued. Overlooked.
I
have learned that hypersexual music does not reward nuance. Hypersexual music rewards
immediacy. When dating norms are influenced by background music that prioritize
consumption over curiosity this is how patience becomes a liability rather than
a virtue.
What was even more disturbing was understanding that whether I made myself more acceptable or acted out a specific sexuality whenever expected, it led to the same sense of emptiness. With this experience the approaches were reactive and were molded by expectation rather than identity. There has been research on self-concept and relational satisfaction. The research shows that authenticity predicts longer-term relational stability.
However, this culture hardly leaves
space for authenticity to air out. When it comes to being yourself, it disrupts
a system designed for surface-level engagement. Being yourself demands a high-level
emotional maturity and discernment instead of dopamine. I believe that this
alone filters out people who were never equipped for depth.
Over these past three years, I have come to understand that authenticity is not a silent rebellion. Authenticity is a form of power. In a hypersexualized dating scene, being yourself becomes an act of resistance. It takes a sure level of self-awareness to refuse to become flattened into a lyric or reduced to a moment.
I no longer confuse modesty with moral superiority or exposure with liberation.
Calling a spade a spade is easy when one
knows that neither of the two guarantees fulfillment. What does guarantee fulfillment?
Self-alignment. When your presentation matches your internal truth, you stop
auditioning and start selecting. You select wisely. You stop asking to be
chosen. You start observing who can choose well and wholeheartedly.
Therefore, Southeast Louisiana’s dating culture may be shrill, fast, and heavily influenced by hypersexual music. However, I have learned that volume does not equal value. Depth does.
Being myself has not made dating
easier, but it has made it clearer. I do not fear being judged for booty bouncing
to a bounce song online or in public anymore. Lastly, in a culture addicted to uncertainty
and chemistry without commitment for me it is the rarest flex of all.
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