This Was Supposed to Be His Christmas

People have been asking me, “Lynn, will you have your kids this Christmas?” According to the rotation, this was supposed to be their dad’s holiday. However, this year, my kids will be with me. I am not giving into the feeling of  the need to explain every detail or defend how it happened. I am choosing to sit with what is and what it will be, which is quiet and we will enjoy the priceless gift of togetherness.

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Co-parenting sometimes teaches people quickly that plans do not always fall through the way they are written. Schedules shift. Communication falls short. Emotions can get  out of hand. I have learned that not every change needs a public explanation. I also understand that every disappointment does not need to be turned into conflict. I am three years into this coparenting thing. The most peaceful choice is to adapt. Protect your child and or children’s sense of stability.

What matters most to me this Christmas is not whose “turn” it was. What matters is how my kids feel waking up that morning. It is the warmth of being in their own beds. It’s the safety of the routine we have built.  It is about embracing the small moments that make a day feel complete. We will have breakfast together. We will be chilling together on our sofa, and enjoying our time. This is the energy I am choosing to pour into this season. These years are passing by quickly as I see my kids grow in so many ways.

Overall, I have released the need to control how others show up. I have released the idea of how others should be showing up. I have also released the guilt that can creep in and cause me to rage me up with anxiety when plans change unexpectedly. Life does not always follow the calendar. Sometimes what feels inconvenient on paper turns out to be exactly what your heart and your children need to have peace.

This Christmas, I am choosing presence over principle. Peace over power struggles. I am choosing gratitude over resentment. For us, that is more than enough. Over these three years, with raising my two kids alone, not a soul can tell me that I have not mentally and emotionally grown. This is what growth looks and will feel like for me.