Hey, honey, pull up a chair. Grab you a glass of lemonade or maybe somethin’ a little stronger (I won’t tell). Let me tell you a story ‘bout a guh you used to know. Of course, she is me, but a few lifetimes back. If this feels a little too much like sittin’ on a back porch swing after supper time, well, honey, that’s exactly the vibe I’m goin’ for.
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| nappy |
I used to be the queen
of over-explainin’. Lord have mercy! If there was a misunderstanding floatin’
in the air, I would chase it down like folks do the sweets lady after church service
for their fix. I figured… if I just talked enough, loved hard enough, stayed
real calm, and outlasted a southeast Louisiana summer then folks would finally
see my heart and handle it with delicacy.
But Sha’ bless my
heart, I was wrong as hell.
Not ‘cause I didn’t
care. Not ‘cause I wasn’t sweeter than pecan candy. But you know what? If you
do not make people step up and grow, they will keep on takin’ the easy road.
That is straight through your kindness.
The Girl
Who Explained Herself to Death
I used to think
clarity was the magic dippin’ sauce. So, there I was, sendin’ novels for texts.
I was layin’ my soul bare like biscuits on Sunday mornin’ before you based them
with salted butter. I thought that if I
gave ‘em the whole recipe, they would stop actin’ confused.
What I did not get
then, sha’, is some folks just enjoy the confusion. If misunderstandin’ keeps
them in the driver’s seat, then do not be surprised if they never wanna read
the map. It is not about clarity. It is about control.
So now? Whew, I don’t
chase after misunderstandings anymore. If you twist my words, bless your heart,
but I am not placing any of my energy into untanglin’ ‘em for you.
The
Peacemaker (With a Side of Grits)
Lord knows I used to
soak up tension like cornbread soppin’ up some good ole chili. I did this just
to keep the peace. I would swallow my words. Soften my tone. I even let folks
treat me any ol’ way, thinkin’ that was me being “the bigger person.” Turns
out, keepin’ the peace don’t mean lettin’ folks do that damn Cupid Shuffle all
over your spirit in muddy boots or lemon pepper steppas na’.
Real peace means not
sacrificin’ your own comfort so someone else can keep playin’ messy in theirs.
These days, I do not set myself on a burning fire to keep someone else warm.
The Girl
Who Waited (and Waited…)
Lawd, I waited for
apologies so long I coulda crocheted a king size blanket. I waited for someone
to show up the way I did for them to finally match my intentions. But let me
tell you, when someone is able, they do not keep you sittin’ in the parkin’ lot
with the engine runnin’. They jump out, arms wide and with a smile ready to
meet you.
The guh who waited?
She doesn’t live here anymore.
Access
Expired (And I Didn’t Even Slam the Door)
I didn’t write a big
ol’ announcement or throw confetti around for the moment. I… stopped reachin’
out. Did not call. Did not chase. Plus, add this you did know it, but when I
quit dancin’ and entertaining for dysfunction, the music became real awkward
real fast. Turns out, when you don’t play, folks gotta face their own noise.
This
Season’s Got a Different Swing to It
These days, I’m
guardin’ my time like a mechanic who works on ole school rides in his driveway
for a living. I do not put all my business out for everybody to see. I am
softer, sure, but baby, do not confuse that for weak. I do not have to holler
about my growth. My peace settles in and speaks for itself.
Let me tell you, that
is the strongest I have ever felt.
If You’re
Feelin’ a Shift, Too…
Maybe you’re postin’ a
little less, arguin’ a little less, explainin’ a whole lot less. Maybe you’re
lettin’ folks brew in their own confusion instead of jumpin’ in to fix it with
a spoonful of sugar and hugs.
- Postin’ less
- Arguin’ less
- Explainin’ less
- Reactin’ less
- Allowin’ folks to sit in their own mess
Sha’, you ain’t cold.
You are growin’, and let me just say, it looks good on you. You had to be the guh
who tolerated chaos. Bless her, so now you can eye it a mile away and steer
clear without hesitation.
Growth means lettin’
some things (and some people) just expire. I am talkin’ like milk left out in
the sun. Do not waste your patience on folks who only liked you back when you
were easier to handle.
This new you? She’s
here ‘cause you love yourself good and true. Not outta bitterness, but ‘cause
you finally stopped handin’ out all-access passes to folks who never deserved
‘em from the beginning.
Access expired, baby. Peace
moved right in. Peace had put her feet up and made herself at home.
If this hits you right
in the depth of your heart, pass it along. We’re all just tryin’ to grow, love
ourselves better, and keep our peace a little spicier than it was yesterday.
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