What Peace Looks Like When You Stop Expecting Help

Baby, let me tell you something I had to learn the hard way. I learned that peace will come a whole lot faster when you stop expecting shit from people, who keep showing you they are not about to help you.

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I do not mean that in some cute, inspirational quote type of way. I mean in real-life, tired-as-hell, bills-still-due, kids-still-need-you, and your nerves-are-shot kind of way. Look, at some point, you get sick of hoping. Sick of asking. Sick of leaving the door cracked wide enough for people who have already made it clear they are not walking through it.

That kind of disappointment will wear your ass out. Not because you are doing a lot. I would you’re your ass out because part of you is still holding out hope. Hope; that maybe this time they will show up. Maybe this time their ass will follow through. Maybe this time you will not have to carry every damn thing by yourself. Oh then, nothing. Again.

I had to be real with myself and ask; what is wearing me down more? Was it the actual responsibility or was the emotional bullshit of expecting help that never comes? If we are honest, sometimes the false hope is heavier than the work itself. At least the work is real. At least the responsibility is honest. However, hoping somebody will magically become dependable when they have been inconsistent as hell? That will drain you in every way dry.

That made me stop romanticizing what was not there. I stopped dressing up crumbs that fell to the floor and calling it support. I stopped reaching for consistency from people who only know how to pop in when it is convenient for them. Baby, that is where my peace started creeping back in.

Now let me say this, people love to confuse clarity with bitterness. Me no longer expecting help is not me being bitter. It is me being awake. It is me respecting the facts. It is me protecting my peace instead of handing it over every damn time somebody decides to be disappointing on purpose.

These days, my peace looks like making plans based on what the hell is happening. Not on promises. Not on potential. Oh, and not on wishful thinking. It is about handling what needs to be handled without pausing my life to see if somebody is finally going to do the right thing.

I am not begging for consistency. I am not chasing support. I am not wearing myself out trying to squeeze giving a damn out of people who have already shown me they do not have it to give. That chapter can go to hell along with a snowball of a flavor of their choice!

Does that mean it does not still hurt sometimes? Of course it does. Does it mean I do not still feel the weight of doing so much on my own? Hell no. But I would rather deal with the truth than keep getting double smacked in the face by the same disappointment over and over again. There is freedom in no longer being shocked by what somebody has been showing you all along.

So yeah, peace for me right now does not look soft and pretty. It looks like acceptance. It looks like boundaries. It looks like moving the hell on. It looks like no longer letting somebody else's lack become my emotional emergency. Oh, and honestly? That kind of peace is expensive. However, so is denial, and I am not paying for that shit anymore.