Dating in your 30s is already a trip. Add divorce, motherhood, responsibilities, personal goals, and the peace you fought hard to rebuild. So, the last damn thing you need is a man creating confusion where he once created consistency. I am not writing this, because I am heartbroken or begging for closure. I am writing because this is what happened. This is how I experienced it, and this is my truth.
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He was one-year post-divorce. He said he did not mind talking to a woman who was also divorced and a mother. He talked a good talk. He sounded open, mature, and intentional; as if my history and my two children were not going to create problems he needed to work around.
For one month, he
FaceTimed me and called me every single day. That kind of consistent
communication was not something I was accustomed to. That was unless it was
coming from man who genuinely wanted to be my man. So, I naturally I paid
attention to the pattern he chose to create.
Then one night, after a full month of consistent calls
and FaceTimes, he told me over the phone that he did not know what he wanted.
What the fuck? You do not get to establish an everyday rhythm with someone,
make your attention feel intentional, and then suddenly act as though the
situation is too difficult to define. If you do not know what you want, fine! But
do not perform certainty long enough for another person to believe your actions
mean something.
After that conversation, he stopped wanting to
communicate verbally. The same man who had been comfortable calling and
FaceTiming me every day suddenly pulled away from the very form of
communication he had introduced. So let us now fast forward eventually, he sent
an audio message saying he needed to focus on working his two jobs. He also
said he understood if I did not want to talk to him anymore. But why the fuck
would I? His words had been doing all the heavy lifting, and his actions never
measured up.
I understand that working two jobs can be exhausting.
Life is expensive. People can be stretched thin. However, the issue was never
simply that he worked two jobs. The issue was the mismatch between what he
said, what he repeatedly showed me for a month during the summer, and what he
ultimately chose to do. Being busy does not excuse mixed signals. It also does
not decrease the uncertainty and it does not erase the expectations created by
consistent behavior.
So, I did not argue. I did not send a long paragraph.
I did not ask him to explain himself again or try to convince him that I was
worth the effort. I blocked him. I removed the background from our iMessages,
kept it pushing, and did not respond. That was my response. Silence was not a
game or an attempt to get his attention. Silence was a boundary. He had already
told me, through both his message and his changed behavior, that there was
nothing left for me to entertain.
I have worked too damn hard to create peace in my life
to let somebody else's confusion become my responsibility. I am not interested
in decoding inconsistent behavior. I am not chasing conversations or waiting
for a man to decide whether he wants what he spent a month acting like he
wanted. Potential is not enough. Smooth words are not enough. A good story
about who you are means nothing when your actions tell a completely different
one.
At this stage of my life, consistency matters more than
chemistry. Plus, actions matter more than talk. I do not need extravagant
promises or constant access to someone. I desire clarity, mutual effort, and
behavior that matches the damn words coming out of a person's mouth. If a man
does not have the time, energy, or intention to build a connection, I would
rather know early and move accordingly.
Maybe he will read this blog post. Maybe he will
recognize himself in it. That changes nothing. I am not rewriting my experience
to make him comfortable. I am not softening the truth so he can feel better
about the way things ended. He made his choice. I made mine.
There was no dramatic final argument. There was no
desperate attempt to keep the line open. There was an audio message, a clear
shift in behavior, and my decision to be done. Sometimes closure is not another
conversation. Sometimes closure is believing what someone shows you and
refusing to waste one more minute on the bullshit.
I blocked him, cleared the reminder from my messages,
and kept moving forward. No reply. No reopening the door. No confusion about
where I stand.
It is what the fuck it is. This is my truth, and I am standing in it.
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