Dear
Baby,
You
have grown oh so much in these past five weeks that I am truly blow away
whenever I just think about it. According to one of my baby apps that use
fruits and vegetables to track your size, you have grown from the size of a
coconut that is 10.5 inches long to the size of a cauliflower that is 13.5
inches long and weighs almost two pounds!
Over
these past four weeks, I have started to feel your kicks! It’s an exciting
feeling that makes me playfully poke you to feel your response, which is
another kick. I have been having morning sickness with you too, since hitting
my second trimester, which is very surprising. My morning sickness comes and
goes and can sneak up on me at least once or twice every week. Having morning
sickness has not stopped me from remaining positive or keeping on throughout my
day.
I find peace within our journeys to work in the morning when I am walking.
Strangers look at me like I am crazy to be walking to work and pregnant, because
they are in their cars passing me by, but I don’t mind their looks. Neither do
I care about their thoughts. I know that when God sees and knows that I can
have my very own car I shall have just that. As of right now, we are doing just
fine and are still making it from point a to point b on time.
You
father and I have also decided to change your name to Eli Alan Hurd instead of
Alan Eli Hurd. I think that this is the last and final change to your name that
we will make. We are still taking in the reality that we are about to become
your parents in the next three months! I guess it’s because it has always just
been your father and I plus our big guinea pig named Bella.
There
has not been any connection with me and any one besides my coworkers too. I
went under a slight stage of depression around 22 weeks of being pregnant. I
was starting to really feel alone and that my life was lacking the love and
excitement that I THOUGHT I should have been receiving too.
Things between your
father and I was getting rocky again and I really was undergoing another
stressful period during this pregnancy. In my mind, when I use to envision this
time in my life I always envisioned my family being here for me and having a
tight circle of a few friends. Fast forward to reality, I have a dysfunctional
family, a husband, and a few amazing coworkers. I’m currently fighting back
tears. I know that this is how God designed for my life to be, so I cannot
complain about the way it is.
I’m thankful for having a supportive husband and
even a social media platform to vent to thousands of people about my life. I
have learned that it is best for me to keep many things personal and just keep
them on paper instead of airing it out to the world.
I’m
counting down the months, days, and weeks until I am on maternity leave and
prepping everything for your arrival. I plan on having my prayer life intact
for the next 14 and a half weeks before you get here. I have a lot of more
saving and spending money on your essentials to do too.
I just pray that I make
an amazing mother to you Eli.
I can’t wait that moment I finally push you out
of my womb and the nurse place you on my chest. We will be skin to skin and I
will thank Jesus for you. Just the thought of seeing your face makes me know
how much of a change you will bring upon and within not only my life but your
father’s life as well. Until the next letter, baby boy.
Sincerely,
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