Yes, my marriage did change after having a baby. My husband, Bruce and I were married for three years before we even became pregnant. We were together for six years when we started our family. We did not rush into starting a family and neither one of us had our lives truly together. 

In fact, our baby was not plan. I tried to save money for when I finally became 25 years old and that's when I planned to try to get pregnant. However, my God had other plans and at 24 years old I became a mama. When I found out that I was pregnant my marriage life was fine. We were a few months into our now current apartment from moving and we both were working better jobs. 

Shortly after having our son our marriage started getting rocky. We were constantly arguing with each other. The arguments seemed never-ending and we were both guilty of our actions. It was apparent that we were new to being parents that were running on empty due to the lack of sleep.  

Now try mixing barely any sleep along with anxiety about parenthood in one big pot. Let me tell you that is  one hell of a concoction! 

We were going at it so hard in our apartment that I'm pretty sure our neighbors heard or late-night arguments. 

The arguments between us became more intense after having our baby too. I'm not about to sugarcoat my blog post and make it seem as if we didn't have petty arguments before starting our family. Plus, we did not just go at each other's necks about just money either. I'm not going to paint such a tragic picture of our marriage or front like everything was all peachy when we first had our son. 

About a month into becoming a stay at home mom the money became tight due to me no longer working anymore and the bills started raining in

We were stretching and surviving and everyone around us knew it. Outsiders knew our struggles not because we said anything to them but because it was obvious. You could only fake like things was all good to a blind man or woman. (No, disrespect.)

I started feeling depressed around the week of Thanksgiving. I was constantly Googling the signs of Postpartum depression almost every week. I was new to becoming a stay at home mama. 

But I was not comfortable with not having at least over $10 dollars in my checking account every week. My "oh so independent ways" were vanishing. I was having breakdowns and fighting the urge to pray. Still, I was recording and uploading YouTube videos while my personal life was in shambles

You see I knew that the times were going to be difficult after I knew that I had no other choice, but to leave my job and prepare for childbirth. I even knew years ago that I would not have any family close by once I moved to the outskirts of New Orleans.

I knew that I did not want my child to be in daycare at six weeks old, so I could return to work. I made crucial decisions when I was pregnant to become the stay at home mother that I am today. 

I do not fault my pregnancy nor my baby who did not ask to be here today. I do not fault my husband for doing and being not only the best husband or father that he can be neither.

Having our first child really has not only motivated my husband to strive for better in life but myself as well. I used to have selfish tendencies that my husband would call me out on too. I had to really evaluate my ways of thinking and actions quickly and carefully. 

You may see couples all cheesed out on a family photo and think "damn that's goals" or think "that's all I want."
However, you have no clue about how rough it can be becoming new parents unless you are one. Many marriages don't make it through parenthood under the same roof. A lot of women probably won't serve you their truth like I'm giving to you. 

As a new mom, you may start to feel isolated from the world. You may lose a few steps to the beat of life. I just really want you to know that my marriage is good. We may not take couple photos and put them on the Gram or Facebook like others do, but we have nothing to prove.

Right now, we are focus on growing in every aspect of our lives not just for each other but our son too. Becoming a parent has change my heart, mind, and soul forever. 
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