Season 30 Ep 3

Looking Back: My 32nd Year

Let me tell you that November was a month that in ways pushed me, humbled me, and reminded me of the woman I am becoming. November for me was not a soft month. It was not an easy or carefree month. This month was exhausting, revealing, and necessary. As I take this time to look back, I can say I learned more about myself in these past few weeks than I have in a long time.

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I recently talked about how the summer was a difficult season for me. Summer has been stretching me in ways I never expected. Between being a mom, working, going to school, writing, and still trying to make time for myself. I have felt the pull of every responsibility at once.

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It’s late. The kind of lateness where everything feels heavier than it did during the day. The streets not quiet in my hood and neither are my thoughts. I just got out of the shower. That’s the place where I’ve cried the most this month. 

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Last Friday night, I went out & folks wanted me to paint the town red! Ha ha! However, it was not nothing major too major. I had an all dark pink two piece set on, titties sitting at attention, black and gold flats, and of course I had a nice gloss on my lips. 

Hold up. You ready for me to tell you what’s up? *inserts me positioning my hair behind my left ear while I pull my seat up to you.*

I graduated from college this May. I did it! 

Let me fluff this pillow on this sofa and hold it close to my chest while I tell you about the month of April. This month damn near bussed my head in a wall and had me heaped up by the throat gasping for air. I mean it shook me up and sat me down then tried to spit on my crazy tail self.

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I been playing music throughout the day to numb this loss I’m experiencing. My paran  Louis passed away this morning at Thibodaux Regional Hospital. He was in his early 70’s still trying to hold on and see the day through, but his body got tired of fighting. 

This year marks three years since my divorce was finalized. Whew! Today, I can finally say, I have officially paid off my divorce lawyer.

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January 2025 came and so did a text message from the ex husband. He demanded to see our kids in a text message one Friday night, randomly. I thought about how many unanswered questions I had for my son and daughter about their father’s where abouts last year. I ended up disappointing myself. Again, Sha!

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Here I go! It's a new year. I am happy to be still alive and well. I am happy to know that you stopped by to read my thoughts as well. I have been thinking about my life. So much has transpired in these few days into the new year that I do not want to touch on the depths of the topic.

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Hey, there! As you read this, I am sitting at my dining room table. My hair is still in a bright pink bonnet. I am wearing my maroon-colored nightgown with pink trimming with the matching robe. I washed my face with cold water in the bathroom sink before brushing my teeth. My 3-year-old daughter asked for assistance with dumping her potty out into the toilet after she woke up after 9:00am this Sunday.

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Hey there, as the days get shorter and the air gets nippy, I'm stepping into what I like to call my "Winter Arc." It's a quarter of the year, from November to February. This is the time when it's cold but cozy with all the holidays and family time.

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Hey, there! October was another great month and I decided to put myself first and focus on the things that matter to me. I knew I needed to make some changes to keep my peace intact. I blocked, ghosted, and went along with my business. I set boundaries and created my own space. Let me tell you, it all has been refreshing!

Hey there! I wanted to let you know personally that, I decided to sign up for a human sexuality course. I figured it would be a cool way to add a little spice to my college experience. However little did I know, it would turn into a journey of self-discovery.

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I have not been feeling like physically speaking to people about my life. Being silent has been comforting. The nights I share alone with God as my kitchen light kisses the vase on my dining room table with shadows on my living room wall. Allowing my mind to rest and tears to fall has been therapeutic. I have not allowed things to overwhelm or control my outlook on myself or my day. I have been feeling more empowered. More mysterious. 

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This past weekend, my ex-husband did not come to pick up our kids on his court-appointed weekend. It was a no-call, no-show scenario. I just shook my head at the thought of him thinking he was hurting me. As we all know, yesterday was Father's Day, which can be quite emotional for many, especially children. However, I decided not to tell my kids it was Father's Day. 

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May 2024 has been a transformative month. This month has been full of revelations, growth, and much joy! I've realized the immense value of trusting my instincts, nurturing my inner child, and prioritizing self-care. Let me take you through the highlights of what I've learned this month.

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As we bid farewell to the first month of 2024, I have reflected on the valuable lessons that January has brought into my life. Not only did I have a birthday, but I also chose to distance myself and energy this year to mentally and emotionally grow.

A wise woman told me I would never get to where I am going if I kept second-guessing my next step. Today without hesitation I find myself at the intersection of gratitude and self-discovery. This day marks the beginning of my 31st year on this breathtaking journey called life.