5/13/208
10:11pm
10:11pm
This was
my very first Mother’s Day and I ended up crying. I cried tears of pure joy and
satisfaction. I was on an extended natural high today. My skin glowed. My smile
was bright, and my heart was full. My husband of now 4 ½ years had treated me
to The Cheesecake Factory for the very first time. We both had never been to
the restaurant in our lives. It was a new and refreshing atmosphere to us both.
The food and the service were great, and it felt special.
We
enjoyed one another's company and paid extra attention to our fussy lil' man
who was giving me a slight bit of a challenging time. I sat our son on my lap
as I tried to eat my pasta with ease. It was at our dinner together I really
realized that multitasking as a mother in public is an art. I never quite
understood how difficult it could be trying to calm a raging baby, especially
in public.
Today was
also the first day since I was around 7 months pregnant that I sported a dress
with flats in public too! My husband always encourages me to step out of my
comfort zone whenever it comes to dressing up. I did not want anyone to see my
feet especially on Mother's Day, because of my lymphedema in my left leg and
foot.
Basically, I have had lymphedema
for the past 10 years of my life and have concealed it well for the most part.
I will blog about it tomorrow for those who want to read more about my
experience with living with lymphedema too.
I never
had a professional pedicure because of it. Today was the first time I truly
said, “Lynn, you deserve to look as beautiful as you feel.” I can feel
beautiful in practically anything and even naked, but I had to give myself a
pep talk today. So, of course, I put on the dress that I purchased for my first
Mother’s Day with the sandals and dared someone to make a comment about how
swollen my feet look and my non-existing ankles that were being place on display.
People
stared at my feet today a whole lot. I hated the attention and the glares. I
just felt grateful enough to have no pain in my two legs and feet. I felt
grateful that my husband did not and do not have to wheel me around because of
my foot condition. I am grateful that my husband loves me for who I am. He
accepts my flaws and encourages me to embrace them even at my lowest marks.
I even
breastfed our son for the first time in a public restaurant today too! Even
though I was unable and have been unable to connect with my own mother this Mother’s
Day for the first time in years, I still love and wished that her day was relax
and carefree as mines felt. I have been at a disconnect from both of my
siblings (I’m the oldest) for a while now.
My
younger sister still envies and hate me with a passion that has torn us apart
for over a year. My younger brother lives in Houston, so he is out of sight and
physical touch. I cannot even begin to tell you the last time he and Tricia
were in each other's good graces. Our mother wants for us all to get along, but
in all honesty, we have all grown apart. I know it pains her to think about us,
but there's truly no sense in her worrying about what and how our bounds should
be.
Time will
eventually help us all come back together, but for now, all I can do is be grateful.
Things between us all could be worse or one of us could have been dead. This Mother’s
Day filled me with a grateful heart. As I now say my prayers and drift off to
sleep I just want to say thank you so much for reading. I hope that your Mother’s
Day was fill with love and happiness as well.
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