You want to know an honest truth? My sister and I use to crave for lemonade so bad. We would break yellow highlighters and remove the ink. 

We would get a bowl and two cups. Then one of us would fill the bowl with tap water from the faucet. After the bowl was filled we would place the highlighter ink into the water. The tap water would quickly turn neon yellow. It reminded me more of Country Time lemonade. 

It was also satisfying to make. 

I would then fill both of our cups with the mixture. Then I would add two tablespoons of sugar. With a quick mix to both cups, we had lemonade.

So we imagined. 

I would say a silent prayer so we wouldn’t get sick. Then we would toast and drink. 

Our thirst would be temporarily quenched. 

Our mouths would be sealed. Swearing to never tell anyone including our mama what we dranked. Our secret drink. The toxic non-acholic lemonade that we made on hot summer days when we didn't have lemons was special.

 When life gave us highlighters we made lemonade occasionally. 

Toasting to better days & not getting sick.
We imagined and we drank. 
Drank and imagined.
Pinky promised one another.
Eyes glossy because 
We knew what we were doing 
Was sad.
But it quenched our thirst 
For lemonade

I never told anyone this, but you.

Growing up in poverty has molded my outlook on life. My thirst for better keeps my faith in God quenched in His word. I still have moments when my childhood memories would cause me to become blinded by tears.

I’m mentally scarred from my childhood. I’ll admit that. You can call me crazy. Crazy for not just drinking regular ole water. But that’s not of my business. This is my truth. My truth that I’m willing to share with the world as I heal. 

I’m not in a rush to heal. I rather pamper my mental wounds with patience. I don’t want to press too hard on my wounds because I have a semi-high tolerance to pain. 

What about you? How you deal with your mental wounds? 

Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comment section below. 

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  1. We could have been cousins in a former life. While my siblings and I never made Lemonade with highlighters we made sugar water and flour bread, which was simply white flour and water fried like cornbread till golden brown. I too am scared from my childhood.I have been to three therapists and I never told them why I suffered from anxiety or depression. I acted like I didn't know. I look back now and ask my younger self if I even knew my childhood was the reason I was so awkward, so anxious and filled with uncertainty about my future. Interestingly enough my childhood has made me the strong woman I am today. My childhood was more traumatic than I would like to remember but it's also the reason why I appreciate everything I have. I am very grateful to have a stable roof over my head,which also was a sad uncertainty back then. Through your blogs sometimes brings me to tears because I picture myself sitting in what I thought was my own pain of being without as a child and how I felt and longed for things my mom couldn't afford. I'm talking about clothes for school, a meal every night and to take away the pain my mom felt because she felt like a failure. I sometimes read your emails and I can't even respond because I am blinded by my tears.I pray that I may always remain humble because I carry around the trauma like baggage of my childhood hidden away behind my smile.

    1. Yes, we sure could have been cousins in a former life. We both understand that our childhood has shaped us into the strong women that we are today. I read your comment in cried. I am truly at a lost for words. Just know that I am always here to.

  2. Wow this is so deep I definitely fast pray and meditate. I rock out to gospel music too.

    1. Thank you so much for reading and sharing! Great choices too.

  3. I can relate to pretending as a child, our lights were cut off often I would just tell myself that our all lightbulbs went out at the same time and my mom just needed to buy more. When I think about the mental gymnastics I had to play with myself just to feel safe and not be sad it still makes me cry.

    1. Omg! My eyes immediately began to water. You have a strong spirit. Not a lot a people are strong enough to even open up to a stranger about their childhood traumas. God Bless You!