October of 2019
taught me that I must cut mental ties along with physical ties to people. I
felt let down plenty of times. I felt used by my own siblings. I expected actions
from people who did not even think or considered my feelings. I allowed situations
from people to have power over me.
Chile, I the gangster side out of me on
social media from feeling triggered. I understood that somethings within my immediate
family will never change. There were no happy birthday wishes to my son in any
sort of phone call or text from neither my sister nor brother.
Whenever
things hit the fan in their lives or they need a word of advice their pride always
is too strong to ask me for anything. My son is their only nephew and they seem
to not give a damn about him. I have mentally accepted the truth they will
never speak.
Family does not
mean nothing when the bond is not there. I haven’t spoken to my younger sister since
August 27, 2019. She’s so bitter and jealous of my life that it’s scary. She
doesn’t support me. She doesn’t make or place any effort into being active in
my son Eli’s life at all. We don’t even live in different states.
Only an hour or a 45-minute drive away from one another, and this girl is expecting me to pay her $40 in
gas to come to visit. I tell my mama that I am not keeping Eli away from her every
other day during the week when I call her. She understands that Patricia is
bitter. Bitter enough to not want anything to do with my son because of the
hate she has in her heart for me. The crazy part is that I never did her a thing. I never told her anything out of line. She just straight-up hates me and
that’s her damn business.
As for my younger
brother he’s living in Texas. He’s going to be a father in April 2020 to his
first child with his girlfriend. He was afraid to even tell our mama that he
had gotten a girl pregnant over the phone. He’s a 19-year-old who has been in and
out of the juvenile and prison system for years. I can say that he wanted a
relationship with his father who never was active in his life at the beginning of
the year. Somewhere in the wanting to re-establish a bond with this father he became
enraged.
Enraged with the thought of how he grew up in poverty with just his mama
and mentally retarded uncles as father figures. Enraged with how his father did
not understand his pain. I also knew that he was enraged because he thought his
father was going to one day save him from the prison system. His father let him
down plenty of times. I just pray that my brother, Louis doesn’t let his son
down the way that his father did.
I have been beating
myself up mentally this month about my mother and uncle’s living situation. They
both still are living with their younger sister and her husband. My auntie desires
her own personal space in her trailer. I can’t blame her. She wants her privacy
and alone time with her husband. I just have been wishing that I was financially
secured enough to get my folks a place of their own. I have been wishing that I
could help them get a nice house or trailer. However, I can not do anything for
them. It eats at me. It feasts on my hustle.
Accomplishing my dreams will not
just be a blessing for me. I am grinding, so my people can live nice too. My
sister still messing up their social security money. Her shopping impulses are
through the damn roof. No one can stop her from being greedy and needy. I have
talked to her about it before on serval occasions to gain clarity. However, you
can not gain clarity on any situation with anyone who’s beating around the bush
with the truth. I digress.
Let me know your thoughts. What's on your mind?
Click here to join my email list!
I promise you will get the latest and never spam.
Discover your inner strength with
shesfoundstrength.com
Add your comment