God's Grace Is Always Sufficient | Blogmas 2019

I don’t know what was a worse feeling during the Christmas holidays, feeling like a charity case or feeling incomplete? I always felt both from being poverty-stricken and sadness. Christmas always reminded me that my happiness never resided in materialistic things.

Eating leftovers/picked over food from people's houses for lunch and dinner use to make me cry. With every bite of food, I would chew I would cry. My mama would tell me, “Be thankful. Somebody thought about us cause we were over here starving.”

I would then smile. Sadness would help me feast on the cold leftover food. Often times our microwave is broken from water damaged due to it raining in our home days or weeks before. I did not want people to have pity on how we were living, but they did. I did not want to ever feel as if my family was a burden on another family or person financially. We were poor and there was nothing sweet enough to sugar coat that truth. 

I was embarrassed. I used to walk into the backyard and look up at the sky. Every year around Christmas God already knew I was going to pop my question. 

“Why things have to be this way, Lord?” 

He spoke to me one year as I cried on my knees in the wet soggy grass. He said, “Be patient with my grace, my child.”

His words sent chills through my body. I dried my tears with the balled toilet paper that I used for tissue in one of my thin jacket pockets. My faith was strained but had not left me. My soul was weary, but I still felt physically strong. I fought the devil’s attempt over five times that tried to turn me towards suicide. 

I just knew that I had and that I must keep on living and believing in his will for me. Without God’s grace, I don’t know where I would be. The holidays these days are filled with love, good intentions, and happiness. Growing up in poverty during the holidays also has made me a better person with a great character. If someone has to tell other people that they have helped me out of spite then I don’t want that help in my life. 

I practice gratefulness even more during the holidays. Remember that every hand that may reach out to help you do not need to be publicly broadcasted. There are blessings that still lie on the other side of being praised and noticed for doing a good deed for someone.

Let me know your thoughts and even questions in the comment box below. I would love to talk to you.

If you missed Blogmas Day 2 then simply click here to read.

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