We are just two weeks away from Christmas. I have adapted to the hotel living with my two kids just fine. Money is tight. My faith is bigger than a mustard seed. I’ve learned how I had to gently break away from having expectations of others in all ways. What I have learned about myself during this separation that’s leading to a divorce is that I must practice my love language on myself. I cannot be sitting in my room feeling guilty and having the blues about anything. 

Overthinking is one of the thieves of joy. The way I feel about myself is important, and I am allowing this healing process to make me better and not bitter. I take time each day to still take care of my mind, body, and soul. I show up with love and patience for my children every day. As we get closer to Christmas, I am continuing to practice gratitude. I have pulled away from being a serial planner. 

I am a weekly planner as this month and year has ended. For this month, I am stepping through it with my head up high. I’m building a stronger relationship with Christ. I am also striving to get an apartment for my children and me. There’s no time for games, entertaining people with hidden intentions, men and women, or anything that won’t bring me closer to my goals.

 I’m grinding to provide a better life for my two children. Plus, I will aid my spouse while co-parenting through this separation to be the best mother that I can be. My codependency on my spouse was crippling, and the after-effects are humbling. 

I do not ever want to be in a position even slightly similar to what I was at the beginning of my marriage or the last position I was in with two kids feeling trapped. I knew I lost myself in my marriage when I no longer had the drive or passion for writing. I became bound to provide for my spouse, household, and son. I lost myself within my marriage around 2018, and since then, I have fought tirelessly to get “me” back those young vibrate spirit I was before motherhood. 

During this separation, I am working towards rediscovering and growing again. I am regaining my independence and immersing myself in my passions. I finally feel like I am on the correct path to getting myself closer to the life that I desire for myself. These last weeks of being 28 will not go in vain even while I rest and recharge.

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