I am willing to attest to my own happiness these days. Its been 6 months since I went through with my separtion from my spouse. If someone had told me that 2022 would be the last chapter of my twenties that brings me closer to many of my goals, I would have asked to look into the crystal ball, my baby! 

On no, Ms. Celo, tease! I finally filed for divorce. As much as I wanted to wait until a year after separation, I felt compelled to use the money I had in my savings and retain a divorce attorney. My money has been hella tight, but it has not stopped me from experiencing a newfound joy in life. I took a few months away from my blog to reflect on what type of blog posts I want to create for you, my reader. At the start of the year, I took a little back ash for coming off bitter, mean, and even spiteful to some of my vocal readers. At the beginning of this year, I was so bent on self-expression that I did not take the time to check myself.

Before clicking post, I learned that I have re-read everything I post and let it marinate on my screen. Sometimes I have to print out my own work and read it aloud. In reality, the woman I am is still healing, and I must not allow my thoughts to lead or just bled on blank journal pages.

I am approaching telling my truth differently on my social media platforms. Motherhood has been a bit stressful. There have been many days I found the strength and excitement to get out of bed to ponder my thoughts and emotions. Days of crying in the shower because I felt as if I made life more chaotic for children because I don’t have a 9 to 5. My hustle and grind took a backseat unexpectedly from feeling troubled. So much self-doubt has enraged me. I would leave the house I am living at with my kids and go on walks to feel lighter. I would go on walks to not feel so heavy. I would look at my kids and hold back tears of both happiness and sadness.

I’m still pulling myself together. I am still trying to get the hell out of my own damn head. I’ve come to terms with my soon-to-be ex-husband not caring about how the family we once created together is living. Of course, you cannot make anyone see and experience life the way you do. I don’t search for his sympathy for our children. I search for the essence of man that I no longer know. It must be this way for the better. I questioned whether he wanted a family with me from the very beginning. 

Giving so much in that marriage and for our children that I still, in some ways, wish for closure. The closure is unnecessary, and I have learned to move forward without it. Coparenting has been going a little better. We both have placed aside our differences for our children ever since I filed for divorce.

I’m looking forward to experiencing better days. I owe myself more patience, love, and truth. If you are going through a separation or divorce from your ex-spouse, do not allow yourself to feel unvalidated when it comes to your feelings. Your feelings are valid. Do not hold yourself back from growth in any area of your life, and live in your truth unapologetically.

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