Dear 2022, You Have Been a Whirlwind

 Dear 2022,

You have been a whirlwind. I learned self-discipline, and detachment in its rawest form. I experienced many thrills that will last a lifetime. When I thought you would have taken me by the hand and skipped with me through a pasture of daisies; you instead pushed me from the highest cliff with all your might laughing as I screamed. With tears racing from my weary brown eyes and my heart pounding to the sound of faith I eagerly made it through. 

Photo by Myriam Zilles on Unsplash

You did me in while God conducted the sympathy of this 29th chapter. Through each experienced season, I realized the value of self-compassion. You watched me with a smirk as I made premature decisions based on emotions. You giggled when I broke down because you knew I would eventually figure things out. You cussed me out between clenched teeth when I second-guessed myself or gave people the benefit of the doubt. 

You held yourself in an embrace as you watched me fall in love. You stayed up with me at night as I poured what seemed to be endless glasses of wine and made imaginary toasts. For the times, I thought I didn’t know my own strength; we made it through. 

I vividly remember bringing you in from a second-floor hotel room with watery eyes. My kids were asleep as I watched and listened to fireworks exploding and a few people scattered in the parking lot dancing while holding up bottles of liquor. 

When you arrived at 12:00 am, I was thankful, happy, and grateful. I made it through a separation with my two kids that almost physically cost me my sanity and life. This year we experienced true friendship, lust, and brokenness.

I put to rest the expectations of others. Filing for my divorce was one of the most rewarding and unforgettable actions I have ever done. Speaking out loud about the pain and situations I endured while married made me realize how crazy in codependency I was. 

I experienced two heartbreaks this summer, one that I forgave myself for and another that will live on in my memories or haunt me forever. My children grew in so many ways before my eyes. Of course, Eli and Alina tested my patience and my gangster.

I watched my daughter take her very first steps. My son finally started pre-k. Alina said, Mommy and I cried. Eli began speech therapy and was confident to speak in sentences. Of course, there were and are more these were a few of my favorite highlights.

They made me a better mother and nurturer. I ceased breastfeeding in the spring before my daughter turned a year old. I gained the confidence to start driving again in the winter and spring. I held on tight to the steering wheel of my friend's SUV while on the highways and interstates of Baton Rouge.

I put my driver's license to good use without overthinking. I regained my appetite back and started working out weekly. My skin glowed and cleared up. My hair and health flourished. My outlook on the future became brighter. I learned how to independently shop and budget for myself and my children in the grocery stores. Whew! Ode to the anxiety I overcame. 

There were many things that I was not proud of this year that was out of my control. However, the principles and lessons learned will carry with me for a lifetime. You kissed me ever so softly on my forehead with the intention of reassurance.

You rubbed my back with graciousness. You handed me a hair tie to pull my hair back with a raised eyebrow from time to time. You understood. You didn’t judge.

You threw tissues at me as if they were confetti and displayed tough love throughout the seasons. I traced the mirror with kisses and words of affirmation.

God threw so many plot twists my way that I couldn’t help but laugh while overcoming the storms in my life. Without this chapter, I wouldn’t be as resilient as I am now. I won’t let you down as we anticipate and manifest blessings for what’s to come. Lastly, just know that I love you. Chapter 29 was a baddie for sure, and chapter 30 get ready to rumble!

Sincerely, 

Linda B