Heavy on the Self Love

The first week of January took me by surprise. Coming into this month, I did not have much excitement. With a dash of sadness lingering within my spirit, I was thankful and grateful. I do not know who was praying for my turnaround, but the sudden shift by Wednesday was evident.

Parenting became much better after struggling with readjusting my son’s new routine since being home for winter break and my daughter's teething pains that kept her waking up at night. I became more mindful of how I viewed myself, my thoughts, and the energy I wanted to project.

When I am happy my kids are bursting with plenty of intense and infectious energy. When my kids are around me, and I may feel down I sense how they shower me with a lot of closeness.

My son is becoming more aware of my emotions, and he would even ask me, “Mommy, what’s wrong?” I immediately would tell him, “Mama, is a little sad but I won’t be sad for long.” I learned to recognize my emotions and what caused them.

Do you take time to analyze how you think and the energy you project? Putting in the self-work takes time. Self-evaluation is a process in which you grow to become invested.

I recognize how I feel when I physically allow myself to vent. Outside of talking to my therapist weekly I have been intentional about getting my thoughts out. Venting this year is being done by audio journaling, prayer, and writing.

How do you vent? What are your methods of release? 

Taking charge of your happiness is an internal job that will reflect externally. There is nothing that no one can say or do that will give one person all the happiness that they may think they desire. Here’s a little situation that I fixed last year that I used to complain about for years before that. Okay, so one thing I used to complain about was not receiving flowers. I used to drop hints, make my concern known and heard, and placed a little bit of my appreciation in receiving them.

My crazy self at the time would even go to the lengths of standing in the bathroom mirror reacting to receiving them from the person that I wanted to get them from the most during that time in my life. Whew! Talk about the unnecessary energy I was not aware that I was pouring into a vision of happiness that constantly left me with unfulfilled expectations.

Kari Hilson sang about the type of energy I was putting out, and that was leaving me drained many years ago too. I know now that loving myself should never equal unfilled expectations or devalue self-appreciation. Give yourself your best approach to love! 

When you take loving yourself seriously it will radiate. The solution to my plan was simple. I started practicing more self-appreciation and self-care which has been a phrase that had started getting brought up a lot pre-pandemic. Buying myself flowers, talking to myself as someone I love and take seriously, and being patient with my own needs, wants, and desires have gotten me far emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

I stopped waiting to receive from others and did it for me. I started stepping out as a black woman who loves herself and valued all that Christ invested and is harvesting within her. My energy has been radiatiding and attracting a lot of compliments as I approach this third decade of my life. Twenty more days until I am thirty! Whew, let the countdown continue.