What does the rhythm of your own heart sound like? I imagine my heart to sound powerful now because just about a year ago it sounded like weathered beats on a bass drum off in a distance. My heart was low vibrational. It had been overly exposed to the elements of love, pain, deceit, and lust.
The heart deserves to have its own proper placement. Hints why it is not anywhere else but the chest. However, emotionally the heart can travel and seep into other places on the body. I have come to the conclusion that people can wear their hearts in many places. Some wear their heart on their sleeve. Others wear their heart on their genitals. I found myself placing my heart at times on my sleeve to showcase my vulnerability naively. Then when it came to spontaneous nights of passionate sex my heart found itself beating in my vagina.
Debhora Cox sang with her chest in her song, “Nobody Suppose to Be Here” that love can make you do some crazy things. I choose to add along and say love does make you do some crazy things when your heart is in your p*ssy.
It took reevaluation to understand more about my heart. After separation and divorce, I exposed myself prematurely to what I thought was love. I fell hard and knee-deep into love. But I was not mentally ready to love I enjoyed the thrill and the physical intimacy of what came with lust. I envisioned myself as a wounded soldier limping across a field with a bullet in my chest and one in my back.
My uniform was stained with gun smoke, grass stains, and mud that dried up on my tear-stained face like red clay. I ached. I bleed holding a bloody drenched rag to my bullet wound for support. My back felt numb as my spine ached from each step. I narrowed my vision to the closest sight of help. I set it as my destination without any thoughts of hesitation. It was without strategic effort and endurance that I allowed my wounded heart to be exposed.
In reality, I now understand the value of healing. I require patience and delicacy. My heart once mimicked fine porcelain. Beautiful to view on display but not to be physically handled. I decided to cover my heart. My heart is not shielded, but in the proper place, it deserves to be. When it comes to love I have learned many lessons.
I’m no longer allowing the misplacement of my heart as if it was a jigsaw puzzle rearranging my emotions to cause me to hurt. I love myself too much to fumble my own self-worth. When I wore my heart in my p*ssy it made me weak. I had to learn how to stand up. My knees needed support when it came to falling for a guy with a good stroke game.
Then when I had a true conversation with a good friend and they told me, "Linda get your heart out your p*ssy." I was taken aback. I felt seen. I understood. Too much complaining about guys meant me no good. Too many, why is he not texting or calling turned into forgetting about it and putting your focus back on me.
I decided to get it right for my mental health. I did a lot of over-communicating my feelings and was lustful behind meaningless connections with guys. When I watched my own patterns and studied myself I resorted back to keeping a watchful eye on my heart, while still exploring the dating life.
Ladies, do not get me wrong we aren’t the only ones that do this. It can be called the lover-girl syndrome. There are men whose hearts are in their penises too. Be wary of those types of men too! But if you like that then go head on and do you, boo. It just takes self-evaluation and knowledge of oneself to know how you want to move especially as a single woman. There is no need to feel an ounce of guilt for exposing what I know many other women may also do and feel. Keeping thoughts and emotions in check when it comes to love this time around. It’s simple.
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