There are women like myself that are spending money on self-pleasure essentials rather than headache medicine and condoms these days. We are also not ashamed to say that we have desires and needs that can be met on our own terms. In my early 30s, my self-pleasure collection is expanding at a rate that puts my past dating history to ashes. And you know what? I have zero regrets.
There was once a time in society that painted a narrative for women. The narrative was that women should prioritize relationships and falling in love with someone. Along in that narrative we would add that our desires should be explored with a partner because this is when intimacy only “counts” when it involves another person.
However, many more women, including myself, realized that our pleasure is not dependent on having someone physically present to thrill us. We have learned to take ownership of our desires, bodies, and experiences. We are doing this in ways that generations before us were not enlightened to do.
The Rise of Self-Pleasure Among Women
Let’s talk numbers because we can back this claim up with statistics. There are women embracing self-pleasure more than before. Studies show that over 92% of women admit to engaging in self-pleasure. A growing number are prioritizing it over physical intimacy with a partner.
According to research, many women, especially those in their 30s and older have indulged in self-pleasure. Self-pleasure is not only more satisfying, but is a way to connect with ourselves without the emotional and mental exhaustion that arises with dating and relationships.
Did you know this biological fact about women in their 30s? Well, women in their 30’s often experience heightened sexual arousal around ovulation. Unlike women in their early 20s, who may still be exploring their bodies or dealing with societal shame around pleasure, many of us in our 30s have no worries about those insecurities.
We know what we like. (Insert the wink wink; right 'cha.)
We know what works. Plus, a lot of us may have a few well-curated varieties of toys that stay charged and ready for when we need a little action.
Why I’m Choosing Me in This Season
I’m in a phase of deep self-focus. I’m not dating. I am not wasting my time entertaining men who bring more stress than satisfaction. Instead, I’m pouring into myself—mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically. I must add a hell yeah, sexually pouring into myself as well.
Gone are the days of tolerating half assed connections just for the sake of companionship. I’d rather invest in my well-being, my goals, my pleasure, and my peace. Look, it feels damn good.
How Other Women Can Do the Same?
If you find yourself resonating with this but feel unsure of where to start, here is our permission slip that I am sliding across my desk to help you step into your power:
Embrace Your Desires Without Shame – Your body is your temple. Pleasure is not a privilege; it’s a right.
Invest in Yourself First – Whether it’s self-care, travel, business, fitness, or self-pleasure—make sure your energy is directed toward YOU before anyone else.
Recognize That Celibacy Can Be a Form of Power – Being intentional about who and or what you give your energy to is an act of self-love.
Your Arousal Is Natural – If you are experiencing heightened sexual desire in your 30s, embrace it and do not let it make you feel embarrassed. It is okay to be single a use a toy before a man for intimacy,
Enjoy the Journey – This phase of life is about exploration, self-discovery, and growth. Whether you are prioritizing self-pleasure or simply stepping away from the dating scene to focus on yourself, know that you are making a choice that benefits YOU & your mental health.
So, yes, my collection is growing, and my number of sexual partners is not. And until the plot thickens I’ll be here loving on me.
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