Taking the time to look back and realize how much can change in a year can leave you speechless. At least that’s how I feel when you have been walking with God, protecting your peace, and finally choosing you!
Last year around this time, I was tired. I am
talking about being drained mentally, emotionally, and financially. I was
surviving off prayer. Coffee. I was also surviving off whatever strength I
could pull from deep within. I was still learning how to set boundaries. I still
was giving too many chances. I was still trying to make peace with people who
had no business having access to me.
But this year? I am not that woman anymore.
I have learned to rest instead of rushing to get
from point a to b. I have learned to give myself grace. I value knowing when I cannot
do it all. I have learned that silence is a language of peace. I do not have to
explain myself to anyone. I am living life on my own terms.
I have grown into a much feminine and stronger
version of myself. A woman who puts in the work without excuses. I am a woman
who raises her two kids with love. I journal through my emotions. I pay my
bills on time. I still make space for joy to decompress. I no longer need
validation from anyone. I am validating myself with every boundary I keep. I am
validating myself with prayer and self-motivation to keep on going.
This version of me is focused. I am grounded. I
am in college working towards her bachelor’s degree as a junior. I am single
and not lonely. I am handling up on my goals and improving my vision for
myself. I am not begging anyone for a break from the life I chose to live as a
divorce woman. I make time to feel as light as I choose to be lifted mentally
and emotionally
So no, I am not the same woman I was this time
last year.
Every day honestly, I thank God for that.
This glow up is not meant to be loud and all in
folks faces. This glow up was spiritual.
I have spent this year learning how to understand more of how I can dive deeper into my purpose in this lifetime. I have taken time to grow more in tune with my thoughts and not shunning my own feelings. I have taken the time to pour into my routine. Pouring into my routine looks like giving tight hugs to my kids at the bus stop, cooking dinner as the music I play fills the kitchen like the aroma of my cooking or staying up late journaling with a hot cup of tea.
I have learned how to find peace in the
smallest details of my day. I no longer rush to approach relationships,
arguments, or decisions. I move with intention. I have realized that protecting
my peace does not mean I am being mean. Protecting my peace means I am
honoring the woman I prayed to become.
I have also learned that healing is not linear. On the real, there are some days I feel as if I have mastered emotional maturity. Then something may pop off, and I must remind myself that I am still human. However, even on my hardest days, I do not break down the same way I used to.
I have built
a foundation of faith. It is a certain type of faith that keeps me grounded
when life tries to knock the wind out of me. My confidence is not about
appearance or attention at all. My confidence is about consistency, commitment,
and character.
I am entering this next chapter with gratitude. I am blushing as you read this, because I am proud of how I have kept showing up even when no one was clapping. I am proud of myself for how I have parented through exhaustion. I have loved myself through disappointment.
Every version
of me from broken, healing, and thriving has led to this moment of peace. The
woman I am now mentally is much equipped to take on life. I enjoy being a
student in life. I am more intentional with my energy. I am walking into the
rest of this year with reassuring confidence. I am trusting that everything I
lost made space for everything I deserve.
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