This Halloween season, I have made the sound decision that I am not dressing up. I am laying some versions of myself to rest.
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No costume could ever compare to the woman I have become after
burying the parts of me. I am talking about the parts of me that once begged to
be seen, loved, and understood. This year, my rebirth looks like peace. Set
boundaries. I also have a softness that cannot be faked. Real talk, the
scariest thing I have ever done was not letting go of people. I was more afraid
of how I was letting go of the woman I had to be to survive them.
There was a version of me who apologized too much. She walked
on a damn tight rope trying to keep everyone comfortable. She confused silence
for peace. Her ass even mistook manipulation for love. She was loyal to people
who only loved her when she was convenient. I had to bury her crazy ass. I laid
her to rest with love, but also with clarity. She served her purpose, baby. But
that girl cannot step with me anymore.
Then there was the version of me who did not trust her own
voice. The one who second-guessed her intuition. She did this even when God was
whispering warnings in her spirit. I buried her too. See she had to go six feet
under because every time I ignored my intuition, I invited in confusion. Confusion
does not live here anymore.
I buried the version of me who kept trying to prove she was
“enough.” Enough for a man who would not commit, enough for family who did not understand
her dreams, and even enough for people who never saw her light until they
needed it. That version of me was tiring. I grew tired of begging for the bare
minimum. That girl deserved more. She could not see it while surrounded by
people who only celebrated her struggles and never her strength.
I also took the time to bury the version of me who mistook
chaos for passion. The one who thought love had to hurt to be real. The woman
who believed she had to “fix” broken men to earn loyalty. That version of me
lived for potential. The joke is on her now because now, I live for peace.
Burying those old versions was not easy. It felt like
grieving. I cried over women I used to be. I cussed about her. I question her
motives. Still to this day there are many women who fought hard for their
families, relationships, and dreams, even when they were overlooked. Healing
means accepting that some versions of you were meant to die so the real you
could live.
Growth requires funerals.
You must bury the mindset that tells you that you are unworthy.
You must bury the habits that keep you from thriving.
You must bury the patterns that look like love but feel like pain.
Becoming her means no longer identifying with the
version of you that was stuck in survival mode. It means giving yourself
permission to change without guilt. It means walking in rooms you once felt insecure
to walk in. You must realize you belong there.
Becoming her means peace over proving. It is no longer
explaining your boundaries, because your energy does the talking. It is quiet
confidence. It is not performance. It is about showing up for your kids, your
goals, and healing journey. It is about doing your best even when no one’s
watching.
There’s power in letting go of the woman you had to be when
you were trying to keep everything together. There is freedom in saying, “That
version of me did her best, but I don’t have to walk in her truth anymore.”
I honor those versions like ancestors. They walked me. Every
mistake, heartbreak, and detour has taught me how to stand taller in my truth.
I’m grateful for her even though I am not her anymore.
This new version of me does not beg, chase, or shrink. She
prays, plans, and proceeds with peace. She knows her worth. She has learned
that one of the most sacred transformations happens in silence without no
audience, no validation, or no applause.
So yes, I’m burying old versions of myself this season. This
is not because they were failures. I am doing this because they were teachers.
Each one carried me through a chapter I thought I would never survive. I
release them with gratitude and grace.
Because this version of me is the healed, grounded, peaceful woman. I am in ready to live and thrive.
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