Lessons have been well learned for me and my emotional ass especially before my cycle came. I have learned this month to stop expecting and having expectations for certain people to show up the way I would have for them. Being a writer, I love character development. I develop traits for people I interact with during the week and month in my mind as I study them. December had a way of slowing me down and not just when it came to fighting for my immune system. This month was forcing me to pay attention to patterns. Patterns that had been ignored for far too long.
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I realized how often I was silently waiting for people to do what felt obvious to me. One of those things was about communicating clearly. I appreciate people who can choose to be considerate. I appreciate those who can follow through. I appreciate people who care without being prompted. When these things did not happen, I found myself feeling disappointed and emotionally exhausted. It was not, because I was asking for too much. Here is the kicker. It was, because I was expecting too much from the wrong people.
I am a thoughtful woman. I think ahead. I anticipate needs. I show up consistently and with the intention to match. Emotional awareness comes easily to me. For a long time, I assumed that this was how most people moved that interacted with me. What I have now come to understand is that this is a crucial part of my personality, and not a pedestal to place other individuals on, girl. The mistake was not in who I am. It was in believing that others would operate from the same place. However, I thought this without ever seeing that they could.
Expectations kept me in a quiet state of waiting and assuming. Waiting for effort. Waiting for understanding. Waiting for reciprocity. What came in that waiting was me slowly building anticipation for a big let down in the end. Expectations had me overextending emotionally. I was questioning my worth, and slightly feeling unseen. They kept me attached to versions of people that existed only in my head. Not those who existed in their actions. It was that disconnect was costing me my peace and causing me to look crazy.
Something shifted. I stopped expecting and started observing once I took accountability for my spoken thoughts. I stopped assuming potential. I began accepting patterns for what they were. Releasing expectations did not mean lowering my standards or settling for less. It meant meeting people where they are, and not where I hoped they would be. It meant allowing behavior to speak louder than intentions. It meant choosing clarity over confusion even when the truth felt uncomfortable.
When you can take accountability for your own world and character traits you created for someone, life gets better. I give based on capacity, not obligation. I match energy without guilt. I no longer over-explain my boundaries. I do not wait for people to become who they have already shown me they are not. I protect my peace quietly. I detach without drama or passive aggressive energy. I trust myself more than I once did. I cried. Accepted my little character arch for people for my Sims 4 experience. Letting go of expectations has grounded me during a season that can easily magnify disappointment.
This Christmas looks different for me. What makes it look different is how much quieter, simpler, and more intentional it is. Well, it even feels lighter. Letting go of expectations has been one of the greatest gifts I have given myself this season. This month has taught me that peace does not come from hoping people change or from holding onto potential. Peace comes from acceptance. Discernment. Peace comes from choosing yourself every time because you will never get you from someone else.
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