Lessons
have been well learned for me and my emotional ass especially before my cycle
came. I have learned this month to stop expecting and having expectations for
certain people to show up the way I would have for them. Being a writer, I love
character development. I develop traits for people I interact with during the
week and month in my mind as I study them. December had a way of slowing me
down and not just when it came to fighting for my immune system. This month was
forcing me to pay attention to patterns. Patterns that had been ignored for far
too long.
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I realized
how often I was silently waiting for people to do what felt obvious to me. One
of those things was about communicating clearly. I appreciate people who can
choose to be considerate. I appreciate those who can follow through. I
appreciate people who care without being prompted. When these things did not
happen, I found myself feeling disappointed and emotionally exhausted. It was
not, because I was asking for too much. Here is the kicker. It was because I
was expecting too much from the wrong people.
I am a
thoughtful woman. I think ahead. I anticipate needs. I show up consistently and
with the intention to match. Emotional awareness comes easily to me. For a long
time, I assumed that this was how most people moved that interacted with me.
What I have now come to understand is that this is a crucial part of my
personality, and not a pedestal to place other individuals on, girl. The
mistake was not in who I am. It was in believing that others would operate from
the same place. However, I thought this without ever seeing that they could.
Expectations
kept me in a quiet state of waiting and assuming. Waiting for effort. Waiting
for understanding. Waiting for reciprocity. What came in that waiting was me
slowly building anticipation for a big letdown in the end. Expectations had me
overextending emotionally. I was questioning my worth and slightly feeling
unseen. They kept me attached to versions of people that existed only in my
head. Not those who exist in their actions. It was that disconnect was costing
me my peace and causing me to look crazy.
Something
shifted. I stopped expecting and started observing once I took accountability
for my spoken thoughts. I stopped assuming potential. I began accepting
patterns for what they were. Releasing expectations did not mean lowering my
standards or settling for less. It meant meeting people where they are, and not
where I hoped they would be. It meant allowing behavior to speak louder than
intentions. It meant choosing clarity over confusion even when the truth felt
uncomfortable.
When you
can take accountability for your own world and character traits you created for
someone, life gets better. I give based on capacity, not obligation. I match
energy without guilt. I no longer over-explain my boundaries. I do not wait for
people to become who they have already shown me they are not. I protect my
peace quietly. I detach without drama or passive aggressive energy. I
trust myself more than I once did. I cried. Accepted my little character arch
for people for my Sims 4 experience. Letting go of expectations has grounded me
during a season that can easily magnify disappointment.
This Christmas looks different to me. What makes it look different is how much quieter, simpler, and more intentional it is. Well, it even feels lighter. Letting go of expectations has been one of the greatest gifts I have given myself this season. This month has taught me that peace does not come from hoping people to change or from holding onto potential. Peace comes from acceptance. Discernment. Peace comes from choosing yourself every time because you will never get you from someone else.
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