Shaking this heaviness of the season away has not been easy. I am not looking to come off in a dramatic way. Plus, I am not carrying this statement in a “everything is falling apart” kind of way. I am serving this in that quiet yet constant way. The way in which you are carrying a lot, thinking about a lot, and still expected to show up like everything is fine. The truth is, I have been overwhelmed.
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I am balancing being a mom of course. That’s the duh factor for many people. I am working in the school system. I am trying to keep everything structured. I am also making decisions that do not affect only me, but my kids too. There is always something that needs my attention. There is always something that needs to be figured out. There is always something that can not wait. Plus, even though I am handling it, that does not mean it is easy.
I think people assume that when you are always so strong, you do not ever feel overwhelmed. However, strength does not cancel out pressure. What it means is that you keep going anyway. This season of my life is requiring more from me. More patience, more discipline, more emotional control, and more responsibility. I am growing. I can see that in many ways. However, I would be lying if I said it does not get exhausting at times.
There are moments where I wish. I am talking for real wishing on a dandelion flower as I blow super hard. I wish that things were a little easier, lighter, and less on my shoulders. I wake up some mornings and still feel tenseness in my upper back and shoulders. Then I give myself a reality check, I know I am building something. I know every decision I am making right now is creating stability for me and my kids. The structure I am putting in place is protecting our future. This version of me is the one figuring it out even when it is difficult, becoming someone stronger than I have ever been.
Therefore, I give myself grace. For the days I feel stretched. For the moments I feel tired, and for the times I do not have all the answers. I know that I still have to move forward anyway. This is not a season of failure. It's the season of becoming.
If you are feeling overwhelmed too, I want you to know you are not behind. You are not doing life wrong. You are in a season that is requiring more from you. Even if it feels heavy right now, you are still showing up, and you are capable of consistency with your efforts. I believe that it counts for more than you think.
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