Doing Everything Alone as a Single Mom: The Truth No One Talks About

Hey there, can I just be honest for a little bit? Doing everything by yourself; handling business, keeping the house running, making sure the kids are all right well, it will change you in ways you do not even notice at first. 

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For many women like me the change is not some big, dramatic moment where you wake up and feel brand new. No, indeed. The change sneaks up on you. I’m talking like creeping up on the back of your heels. You start thinking differently, moving differently, and you just stop waiting on folks to show up the way you once wished they would. After a while, you quit explaining yourself. You quit depending. You just roll up your sleeves. You take a deep breath, and get the job done without poppin’ any questions to anybody.

Now, there was a time I swore I needed help to feel steady. This was a time I could not stand tall if I did not have somebody to lean on. I thought I needed people to show up. I am talking about showing up with that solid, rock-steady presence. However, let me tell you, doing it all alone taught me otherwise. Stability? It is not something you get handed to you, Sha! Stability is something you lay down yourself.

You lay it down damn near brick by brick, bill by bill, decision by decision. Even when you are hella tired. You lay it down even when you would give anything for a break! You learn to keep stacking those bricks. That is just how it goes down here in Louisiana. We adapt to moving, rain or shine.

Being the one who makes sure the lights stay on, the kids are fed, and everyone has a chance of self-expression under your roof, it does something to your soul. It grows you up in places you did not even know were still green. You get sharper. You become more disciplined. You feel real protective over your time, your energy, and your peace. Before long, you see people for who they are, and not who you wanted them to be. Once you see that truth, well, you cannot unsee it, Sha.

Let’s talk about tolerance. When you have had to be your own safety net, your own shoulder to cry on, your own ride-or-die, your patience for confusion gets hella thin. You don’t chase people down for communication. You do not find yourself begging for someone to be steady. This is because when you have had to be your own back-up plan you learned to stop settling for half-ass anything. It is not that you do not care about folks. It is that you just expect more. Plus, if those folks cannot meet you where you are, you are okay with letting the good Lord take it from there and move on.

But let’s get real, it is damn sure is not always a badge of honor. Sometimes, it is plain exhausting. Sometimes it stings like razor blade cuts upon the cheeks of your face. Sometimes you ache for someone you could lean on without wondering what they are truly after. There are nights you stand in your kitchen, just you and your thoughts, and you feel every ounce of that weight. That part? We do not talk about it enough, do we?

Still, even in the thick of all that tiredness, there is a strength that runs deep. You look back and realize you have been holding it down all along. You have been making things work with what you’ve got. You have been building peace in places where chaos could have taken over. That kind of strength? It is quiet, sure, but it is powerful. It is the kind of grit you only get from living it, day in and day out, Louisiana-style.

Doing it all on my own did not make me hard. It made me wise. It made me sharper. More intentional. It made me realize I am not an option. As a matter of fact, I am the whole got-damn foundation. I may not have all the answers. Lord knows I have still got questions. However, I do know this: I’m not waiting for somebody to come save me. I already did. If you are doing it all on your own, just know you have more grit and heart than you think. Down here where I am that counts for everything.