June is not arriving softly for me at all. It is meeting me in the middle of where responsibility, exhaustion, healing, and hard truth lies. I am stepping into this month as a mother. One who rarely gets a physical break. As a black woman carrying the full weight of providing. Oh, yeah and as someone learning how to keep going without pretending any of that is a walk in the park.
Therefore, as I step into June, I am being honest
about what this season is asking of me. What I need to carry with intention.
Also, what I need to finally leave behind.
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I am carrying more than lessons into June. I am carrying real weight. As a mother, I know what it feels like to have no physical break from my two children unless I pay out of pocket for a weekend sitter. That reality is heavy. Some days it reminds me how much I hold on my own emotionally.
I also
carry the physical loneliness that comes with being the one who provides. Even
when a room is full, there are moments when it still feels like it is all on
me. However, through every season, God has continued to make a way. He has
sustained me before. I am trusting Him to sustain me again.
I am carrying a renewed commitment to my health. My blood work from late May came back to be better than it did this time last year. Chile, that mattered to me more than I can explain.
It reminded me that even with everything on my plate,
I am still making progress. So yes, I will still be working this summer to
provide for my children. However, I am doing it with a better mindset, a
stronger body, and a clearer sense of purpose.
I am also
carrying discipline. This season is not about chasing a love life or
entertaining dating. Right now, my focus is on stacking money. I am getting
things ready for the upcoming school year. I am making sure my children have
what they need. That kind of clarity is a gift. I am grateful for it too.
At the
same time, there are some things I am intentionally leaving behind this month.
I am
leaving behind the habit of reaching out and expecting help from my children's
father. I know now that there is no real support waiting for me there. Accepting
that truth has brought its own kind of peace. I would rather move forward in
reality than keep exhausting myself with false hope.
I am
leaving behind distractions that do not serve this season. I do not need to
prove that I am desirable. Available. I also do not need to prove that I am open
to dating just because it is summer. My life has enough on its plate. Sh*t,
somebody would look at my plate and see it overflowing with the gravy of struggle
dripping from the brim. I am honoring the season I am in by staying focused on
what matters.
I am also
leaving behind the idea that survival is the only thing I deserve. This month,
I want to make room to pour into my hobbies, express myself, and continue
building my wardrobe in a way that makes me feel like me. Even in
responsibility, I still deserve beauty, happiness, and to dwell in the things
that remind me I am a person too.
Most
importantly, I am leaving behind the pressure to pretend this is not hard. It
is challenging as f*&k! It is lonely at times. It is stretching me in ways
I never expected. However, it is also shaping me into a stronger, wiser, and
more intentional black woman. A black woman who knows how to keep showing up
even when no one else does.
As June
begins, I am moving forward with goodness, faith, and intention. I may be
carrying a lot. But it is expected on this journey. This month, I am choosing
peace, discipline, better health, and preparation over chaos. I believe the
work I am doing now will make life better for me and for my children.
Alright,
so let’s toast to a month of strength, steady provision, healing, and gracefulness.
Here is to do what needs to be done and still make room for the parts of myself
that need care too.
Welcome,
June. I am ready for you. Show me what you workin’ with.
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