Have you ever looked at your phone, seen his name or number because he is no longer a saved contact, and felt yourself get butterflies? You tell yourself that you are not entertaining his bullshit. You remind yourself of the tears.
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Confusion. Sleepless nights. Oh, and all the reasons you left his ass alone. But then he reaches out, and suddenly you are wondering if maybe this time will be different because the sex maybe was so good.
You are not alone.
So many women find themselves giving the same man another chance. It is not because they are desperate or weak in the knees behind that meat, but because they are human. We want to believe people can change. We want to think the love or limerence we invested was not a waste of time. We hope the version of him we have imagined will finally become the version standing in front of us.
The problem is that hope can be more high pitch than reality.
Instead of remembering the inconsistency, we remember the jokes. Instead of focusing on the broken promises, we held on to the few moments when he was actin’ right. Before we realize it, we open a door to let that bullshit we once said no to come right back in.
If you have ever wondered why, it is so difficult to walk away from someone you have already let go of once before, you my hun are in the right place. Here are three powerful reasons women often fall for the same man twice. Oh, and more importantly, how to step away from that cycle for the better.
1. We Confuse Familiarity with Safety
I had to start with this one! Look when someone feels familiar, that does not mean they are good for us. I am talking about this even when yo’ ass in ovulating too. When a man comes back into our lives, our brains tend to remember the cool on point shit, the inside jokes, and the goodness y’all shared before we remember why things ended. Familiarity feels comfortable. This is true especially when we are feeling alone, horny, or wanting that special attention. However, comfort and peace are not the same thing. A relationship can feel familiar while still being emotionally draining for you to handle mentally. Before giving someone another chance, ask yourself: Am I excited because he possibly has changed, or because he is familiar?
2. We Fall in Love with Potential Instead of Patterns
One of the biggest mistakes a lot of women also make because I have my damn self is believing in who a man could become instead of accepting who he consistently shows himself to be. We can overlook disrespect and immatureness. We can also overlook the lack of emotional maturity. We believe the versions of the man we think about when we hear our favorite love songs. We convince ourselves that this time will be different because he is stepping a little bit differently than he once did. However, real change is not announced. Real change is demonstrated over time. If his pattern has always been inconsistency, emotional unavailability, or disappearing when things get difficult or after y’all had sex then another chance will not miraculously erase those habits. Pay attention to patterns, not potential.
3. We Mistake Loneliness for Love
Sometimes it is not that we truly miss the guy. What we may miss having someone to text, someone to spend weekends with, or someone who made us feel comfort. Loneliness can make an old fling, relationship or situationship seem better than it was. That is why so many women answer a message they would have ignored six months earlier. Healing means learning to sit with loneliness without letting it convince you to settle for less. The temporary comfort of letting the wrong person back into your life for the just because often costs you the long-term peace you have worked so hard to build.
My closing thoughts:
The hardest lesson is not learning how to let someone go, my girl. It is learning not to reopen doors that life closed for a reason. Every time you choose your peace over temporary attention, you remind yourself that your standards matter more than your emotions in the moment. Yes, your emotions are still valid too. However, the right man will not require you to ignore red flags, question your worth, or keep hoping he'll become someone different after some time has passed. That man will meet you with consistency, and respect. The man for you will be one that does not require you to keep giving countless chances to disappoint you.
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