September was one of those months that felt like it had sixty days instead of thirty. I don’t know if it was the season changing, responsibilities piling up sky-high, or just life out here doing what life does. It was something about this month that tested that last damn nerve I have. There were days when I felt productive. Days I felt pulled together, and completely on top of my game. However, then there were days when just surviving what absolutely had to get done was a full victory.
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One thing September did made crystal clear to me is that being busy and being okay are two completely different things. You can show up every single day. You can handle your business to a T. You can answer every message. Hit your deadlines. Hold it down for everyone depending on you. Then you can still be tired asf. Down here, in Louisiana a lot of women are so used to being strong and pushing through the madness. We don’t even realize how heavy the load was until we finally sit our tails down and experience quietness.
I had to sit back and remind myself more than a few
times that everything did not have to happen all at once. Life is always going
to present another task. There will be another deadline. Oh, and another piece
of bullshit to deal with. Or something random that pops into your head right
when you’re trying to rest. However, constantly stressing over the next thing
will make you miss what you have already pulled off. Truth be told, I
accomplished a lot more this month than I was giving myself credit for.
Listen, shit was not all smooth sailing. Some days were
just plain frustrating. Some mornings, I was exhausted before my feet even hit
the floor. There were times when motivation was nowhere to be found. I had to
rely strictly on discipline and prayer to make it through. I spent more than a
few moments staring out into space, sipping hot coffee, trying not to burn the
insides of my mouth, wondering how the hell I was supposed to squeeze
everything into the same twenty-four hours everybody else gets.
But somehow, some way, things kept getting done.
It was not always pretty. It was not always on the
timeline I wanted. There was plenty of deep sighing. A little bit of
complaining. Some may say bitching, and a whole lot of making stuff work on the
finesse, but the job got done regardless.
September really made me reflect on how easy it is to
overlook your own progress; when you are stuck right in the middle of the
grind. We always want to celebrate the huge, loud milestones, but the quiet
wins deserve their credit, too. Getting through a rough-ass week is progress.
Setting a firm boundary and sticking to it is progress. Handling a situation
with grace instead of popping off like you would have a year ago? That is major
progress. Choosing not to stress your soul over things you cannot control is a
win every single time. I am actively learning to give myself grace for those
moments.
I am also learning that rest is not a reward you only get after you have completely run yourself into the ground. Lord knows that is still a work in progress for me. Mainly, because I have a bad habit of looking around the house or at my mental to-do list.
Then I immediately start finding
something else that "needs" to be done. But listen! The dishes will
go in that dish washer because I’m not scrubbing them clean after I have hand
washed them. The email can wait. Whatever is trying to demand immediate energy
can usually hold off until tomorrow, because my peace of mind comes first.
September was not terrible, but it was damn sure was
not a walk in the park either. It was another reality check.
There were good, joyful moments mixed with the chaotic
ones. There were times I laughed until my eyes watered. There were times when I
genuinely wanted everybody to leave me the hell alone for just five
uninterrupted minutes. Some of the things I spent whole nights worrying about
ended up working themselves out anyway. It was proving once again that I can
not control every little detail no matter how much I plan.
Most importantly, I am still standing.
I am stepping out of September without pretending I
have got this whole remainder of the year completely figured out. I do not. I am
still figuring out how to balance my world without losing myself underneath it
all. I am still learning when to hustle and when to give myself permission to
just stop and breathe. I am learning that having a hard day does not mean I
have a hard ass life.
Heading into October, I am not overloading myself with
a bunch of unrealistic expectations. I want to keep moving forward. Give me
peaceful mornings, productive days, real eye watering laughs, good sleep, and
moments where I can sit back, breathe, and enjoy my life instead of just
surviving it.
September tried it, phat but it reminded me of one
simple truth. I have made it through every single month that tried to take me
out before this one. Plus, I did not need a complimentary bottle of wine to
soothe me during the weekends. Goodbye, September. October, come on, let's see
what you will bring.
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