Going Broke Is Scarier Than Halloween

The 13^th gates have nothing on this. If you really want to see fear in a grown person’s eyes who lives alone, let them open the banking app after paying rent or mortgage. Hold up. What if it they did that after buying groceries, filling up the car, and handling one little “unexpected” bill that somehow costs exactly what was left in the account. Nothing jumps out from behind a door. However, that available balance will still make you scream.

That is the kind of scary ish nobody puts on a Halloween decoration. It is called the fear of not having enough. It is rent showing up before payday like it has somewhere important to be. It is the light bill, the phone bill, and the insurance payment forming a little clique to chit chat about your last twenty-two dollars. It is standing in the grocery aisle doing mental math while opening your bank app. Oh, what about putting something back, and hoping nobody in the house suddenly remembers they need to bring to school for tomorrow morning.

I can joke about it now. However, money stress is exhausting. It follows you to smother you if you let it. You can be laughing at a show while part of your brain is still calculating what clears on Friday. Then what can wait until Monday. Oh, then whether that automatic payment is about to sneak up and ruin everybody’s weekend. Being responsible does not always mean feeling secure. Sometimes it means making a dollar stretch so far, it deserves its own greenery wall.

The part we do not say enough is that struggling with money does not mean you are lazy. It does not mean you are careless, or failing at adulthood. Sometimes the numbers simply do not match the number of people and responsibilities depending on you. Prices rise. Emergencies happen. Children grow out of shoes from eating left and right and even five minutes after you buy them. Life keeps charging a crazy ass admission fee whether you planned for it or not.

What helps me is making the fear smaller and more specific. Instead of staring at everything at once, I ask three questions.

What must be paid now? What can be adjusted or moved? Who can I pivot if things take a turn for the worse? Writing those answers down does not suddenly create money. However, it turns slobber mouth ass monster into a few manageable steps. Even a itty bitty plan can make the room feel less dark.

Give yourself credit for the things you are handling, too. Maybe you paid the smallest bill. Maybe you packed lunch instead of buying it. Maybe you looked at the account instead of avoiding it for three more days. That still counts. Grown-folks courage is not always thrilling Sometimes it is opening the app, taking a deep breath, and dealing with the number in front of you.

So, tell me… what bill, expense, or money surprise has scared you more than Halloween? Share it in the comments if you would like. We can laugh, learn, and remind one another that none of us is the only one doing this grown-up math. 

Then come back for the next story, The First Car Payment: A Brand-New Horror Story, because evidently the car always knows when the bank account is already going through something.