Living in the Hood While Building a Better Life for My Children

Living in the hood while trying to build a better life for yourself and your children can feel as if you are carrying hope and pressure at the same time. Moving forward is not as simple as deciding to leave. There is nothing wrong with coming from a low-income neighborhood.

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Some of the hardest working, even most resourceful, generous, and determined people live in places society is quick to dismiss. Many families are doing the best they can with what they earn. They are supporting their own come up, raising children, working long hours, and finding reasons to laugh even when money is tight.

At the same time, respecting what area in the city you live in does not require pretending that struggle is beautiful. It is possible to appreciate the people. It is possible to also appreciate the lessons, and community around you. You can do all this while admitting that you want greater safety, stability, privacy, and opportunity for your family.

What makes that desire complicated is knowing that judgment does not only come from outsiders. Sometimes it comes from people living on the same block. The people that are paying the same rent and carrying struggles of their own. It all starts bubbling up in folks when you go back to school, talk about saving money or how you try to protect your peace. Don’t even get me started when you say you want to move. 

Then somebody may act as if you think you are better than everyone else. Other people may question your parenting. They may try to dig at your priorities, your job, or even your clothes. They may start to tell you about the way you spend money, even though they do not know what happens inside your home or your bank account. That judgment can come from pain. 

That type of judgement may evoke fear, competition, misunderstanding, or the feeling that one person’s desire to leave is a criticism of everyone who stays. I can recognize that possibility without excusing hurtful behavior. I believe that wanting a different environment does not mean I believe I am better than my neighbors. Plus, another person’s decision to remain does not mean they lack ambition.

The financial reality is still exhausting. After rent, utilities, groceries, transportation, insurance, school expenses, and the unexpected bill that always seems to arrive at the worst time, the money needed to move out often the same money needed to survive. People like to say, “Go back to school, get a better job, save your money, build your credit, and, girl, stop making excuses,” but what happens when you are already doing those things and still struggling? I work.

I continue my college education. I raise my children alone. I am pursuing additional income through my writing. I am not waiting for someone to rescue me! Yet progress can feel as if you are running on a treadmill that keeps speeding up. I am tired. However, cannot stop. I am frustrated, but unable to give up. I am determined, but still responsible for bills that do not pause while I catch my breath.

Raising children makes every concern feel more urgent. I think about what they see, hear, and begin to accept as normal. I want them to have safe places to play. I want to be the one to peaceful nights. I want their childhood memories to not be ones that are built around their mother constantly worrying about money. 

That does not mean children raised in the hood are destined to fail. There are countless people who have grown from difficult circumstances into thoughtful and yet successful adults. It also does not mean every neighbor is dangerous. It also does not mean that every other community is perfect. It simply means I do not want my children to have to prove their strength by enduring hardships. Hardships that I may be able to prevent. I want them to experience stability without first having to earn it through suffering.

Education is part of my plan. However, a degree does not instantly erase financial hardship. There are evenings when work has drained me. Then the assignments are still waiting to be completed. Then there are mornings when I wake up knowing I must do it all again. I believe education can open doors. However, moving also requires a lot of things such as deposits, application fees, transportation, and an acceptable credit score. Then they often look to see if your income is about 3 times the monthly rent. A person can faithfully pay for the home they have and still fail to qualify for the home they want. 

That is one of the hardest parts of poverty it is learning how escaping it is expensive as well. Better employment may require more education or experience. Then education requires time and money. Plus, transportation requires maintenance. Childcare responsibilities do not disappear simply because a mother is trying to improve her life.

Assumptions about people in the hood can be biased. This is true when they erase how much work survival requires. Some residents work two jobs. Some residents attend college. Others may or do still raise children with little support, care for relatives, rebuild after divorce or unemployment. They may live one emergency away from losing everything they have worked for. Poverty does not always look like someone refusing to work. 

It can sometimes it looks like someone working constantly and still not earning enough to get ahead. Hardship can also create pressure within the community. People who feel watched may begin watching others. Then people who feel judged may judge first. Plus, when we add gossip, comparison, and suspicion it can grow when everyone is trying to protect their pride in circumstances that already make them feel exposed. Remembering that many people are carrying invisible burdens is one truth that helps me hold compassion for them without allowing their opinions to determine my future.

I am not ashamed of living within my means. I am not ashamed of starting over or doing what I must to keep a roof over my children’s heads. I am simply tired of making every decision from a place of survival. Being tired does not make me ungrateful. This is true because wanting more does not mean I am rejecting the people around me. I can appreciate the neighbor who checks on my children. 

I can appreciate the friend who understands how far a grocery budget must stretch. I can smile and understand the sense of humor that helps people get through hard days. I can also admit that noise, conflict, limited resources, and the feeling of being observed or criticized wear me down emotionally. Gratitude and dissatisfaction can exist together. I can value the home that shelters us today all while working toward a different address tomorrow.

My children remain my greatest motivation. I want them to see that adulthood can be more than an endless cycle of working, paying bills, worrying, and repeating this all over again. I want them to understand education, financial independence, patience, and the courage to create opportunities. More than that, I want them to enjoy the results of my sacrifices while they are still young. 

I want to take them places without fearing every expense. I truly want to build savings that can survive an emergency. I desire to create a peaceful home, and earn income from the stories and ideas I have carried for years. None of this is about impressing other people or proving that I am more deserving. It is about creating breathing room for my family and reducing the power that one unexpected expense can have over our lives.

The reality of trying to overcome difficult circumstances follows me throughout the year. It is there when rent is due. Or when a paycheck arrives already assigned to bills. It is even there when I look at homes I cannot yet afford. 

Still, the worst outcome would be allowing my current circumstances or someone else’s judgment to convince me that this is all life has to offer. I will keep working. I will keep writing. I will eventually finish my degree. I will keep looking for opportunities that increase my income without costing every ounce of my peace. I may not be able to move tomorrow. I may face more uncomfortable months, but I have not stopped believing that a better life is possible.

The hood is part of my story, but it is not my entire identity. Struggle has taught me resilience.  Struggle has taught me resourcefulness and compassion. However, I do not want struggle with the legacy I leave my children. I am not trying to rise above the people around me. I am trying to place my family in a better position. I also understand that the person judging me may be fighting a private battle, just as I am. 

Their judgment does not have to become my burden. My ambition does not have to become an insult to them. This is my current chapter. This is not my final destination. I am determined to rewrite the story with honesty about where I live. I will continue to say that I have respect for the people who live beside me, and faith that wanting better can come from love rather than shame.