Why I No Longer Identify as The Nickname Leeny Lynn

I was thinking of a way to start this blog post. Replaying my unspoken words in my mind repeatedly this morning. I laid in bed besides my sleeping baby and prayed to God to start my morning. Before 2018 even arrived, I have been praying to God for mental clarity. 

Every night I have very vivid dreams and I mainly use a dream journal to keep track of my dreams (if I can remember) first thing every morning. 

I been having dreams that basically meant that I was holding on to some aspect of myself that was weighing me down and that was dead. For a few days out of December the dream kept happening. I kept praying and asking God what is it that you want me to rid? I was very confused. I felt like God was sending me the answer repeatedly in my dreams, but I honestly did not want to get the message. 

It wasn’t until this morning that I woke up, prayed, and opened my YouTube app. If you did not know I am a YouTuber. A YouTuber that does natural hair product reviews, tea reviews, being a mom videos, and so much more. I been on YouTube for well-over 6 years and have grown my YouTube following to now close to 20,000 subscribers. I truly take much pride in my channel. 

I am humbled and love my supporters so much. When I launched my YouTube channel my aspirations in life where completely different than they are today.

I was a very driven 16-year-old country girl with dreams of becoming a rapper/ghost writer in the music industry.

I was a gospel singer at heart though, but I wanted to pursue rapping as a real career. The nickname Leeny Lynn gave to me by a childhood friend named Devante started it all. 

He really was a very positive and truly hilarious guy while we were in school. He was just playing around when he called me Leeny Lynn one day, but that playing around with nicknames gave me one that stuck. A nickname that I branded and did not wanted to be without. That nickname gave me some sort of thrill and a purpose. 

I felt bold and hella courageous with that nickname. Folks do not know how much I felt connected to the nickname Leeny Lynn until I started rapping and dropping YouTube videos. 

Of course, I was clowned about my nickname especially in high school. A lot of them thought of me and my nickname as a joke. 

But the real tea is since we all are out of high school I did the unthinkable and have branded my nickname and gain a very supportive following right along with it. I guess now the joke is on them and I am the only one who is laughing. 

Any who, I embraced my nickname because I truly hated my government name. My government name is Linda B Hurd and my maiden name is Linda B Patrick. Growing up Sponge Bob was popular, and I was reference to Patrick Star like he was my got-damn daddy or something. 

That sh*t use to drive me up a wall. It wasn’t until I was about 17 years old that I started to love my name. 

I took Spanish my 11^th grade year in high school and discovered that my name in Spanish meant ‘beautiful’ and I was in love ever since. During that time in my life I did not feel beautiful. 

I hated myself so much. I hated the decisions that I made as a teenager with guys. I hated my skin color and the fact that I had a lot of acne and discoloration within my skin. I hated me.

For I thought that it was even mess up to be me. I would go to fellowship and to sing at different churches around my area and I hated myself. I wanted to change so many things about myself that it’s truly by God’s grace today that I am still here. 

I tried to commit suicide a few times, because I hated not only myself, but my life. It took a lot of counseling, prayer, and journaling to get to the place that I am now with myself. A place of love, acceptance, and peace.

When I attached myself to the nickname Leeny Lynn it gave me some sort of happiness. I didn’t have to be Linda Brenae anymore. I did not have to be that piss poor black girl that lives in the back of Napoloeonville, Louisiana. I was this invisible and very outspoken black girl who loved herself and had so much confidence. 

The confidence that Linda did not have. The love that Linda did not show herself Leeny did. Another thing is that a lot of people do not truly understand how nicknames can conceal so much about a person’s identity. 

For me I hid behind that nickname like your favorite MUA’s concealer does their client’s blemishes. 

I am a mother now and I truly want to be took seriously for anything I put my demanding work and effort into. I have no idea what God has in-store for me in the future, but I know that my nickname won’t have anything to do with it.

Leeny does not get the pat on the back for who God create for me to be. In fact, Linda will receive the pat on the back while God receives his glory. I am about to be 25 years old come January 30^th and I am stepping into the light to receive what God truly has for me.

I cried about breaking ties with my nickname. I know that God wants me to do this and it will better my mental health.

No more hiding behind a name that is not truly who I am. No more explaining who is Leeny Lynn and why I spell it the way that I do. That nickname has run its course and I am ready to be who God designed for me to be. I am Linda B Hurd. 

If you would like to share what you have broke ties with for the new year please drop it in the comment box below. 

My Instagram is now lindabhurd

Snapchat lindabhurd

YouTube Linda Lynn

Twitter Lindabhurd93

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