I found myself frustrated, weak, defeated, thankful, joyous, and feeling betrayed in May. I lost and found hope all in the same month.

I have so many people the encouragement and the motivation to chase not only their dreams but GOD. There were many days I felt hopeless.

I walked around the local walking trail in my neighborhood, stumped about how my husband and I were going to pay the rent. But, my God did make a way out of no way for May. I learned so much not only about myself last month, but as well as my journey...

I can't say that I lost friends last month. I just lost people who used me for their own needs and wants. I felt played and freakin' stupid for wasting my time with people who didn't respect my time or my hustle. I learned that I just can't be quick to save people's numbers in my phone as a damn contact. 

Not everyone you conversate with is worth a saved number.

I realized that the time I had to myself and I wasn't working was for a mental shampoo. I had to get my thoughts, actions, and emotions together. There were days last month that I just felt like I didn't have a job at all. I felt like I had finally quit my part-time job and chased my dreams. I was only working for what seemed like weeks only on during the weekends. I was off during the weekdays, and  I occasionally worked on Fridays.

 I can say that May was really a month of reflecting. A month of reflecting on my strengths, weakness, marriage, and time. I felt a closer relationship with my younger brother, who is now sixteen years old. He is now in a program called AMI Kids, where he is on the right path to getting his life back together. I talk to him almost every Thursday, and he is even encouraging me to strive for better in life. My little brother when from acting out in school and committing theft to realize where his bad decision-making can lead him.
"Sometimes, it does take for you to end up drowning in your mistakes to be saved by someone who was watching, and cared about your life." 
When I ended the chapter of allowing my circumstances to belittle me and hinder me from my blessings, I blossomed. I stopped allowing the fact that I came from a broken home, keep me from loving my struggle.

Within a year and a half out of high school back in 2013, I fell in love with my struggle. I embraced my struggle and made my struggle beautiful. One thing I learned last month about my struggle is that,
"No matter what color I choose to paint my world, God will always be the artist behind creating my life. He will in the end, create masterpiece out of my story. That's why I stay motivated."
While I was at work last month, working my tiring job and taking out the trash around the gas pumps to the dumpster, I said to myself,

"This job doesn't define me or my talents."

I took those words to heart. I took those words to paper. I then finally took those words to Jesus. One week later, I landed an interview for a new job. This week coming, I landed my second interview. Nothing is permanent yet, but I feel like June will bring even more beginnings. I just want you to know that you will make it through whatever you are going through right now. Allow your struggle to humble and enlighten you to stay strong. Don't look back. Keep pushing forward towards a new beginning. 

Damita - No Looking Back

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