I
wanted to start this blog post off by saying this year has been truly
eye-opening for me. It wasn't like I was sleep or anything like that. Well, yeah,
I wasn't spiritual woke on the inside to see what God wanted me to understand
in my waking life.
Around March, I had found out I was having a baby boy, and the first person besides my husband. I wanted to tell was my mom. However, to tell my mom, the news I had to tell my Lil sister first. (I had no problem with doing it either.)
Around March, I had found out I was having a baby boy, and the first person besides my husband. I wanted to tell was my mom. However, to tell my mom, the news I had to tell my Lil sister first. (I had no problem with doing it either.)
Plus,
my mom doesn't have a phone. When I broke the news, I heard how happy my mom
was and the blandness in my sister's tone. I knew something was wrong, and I
knew it was not my happiness.
Leading
up to me telling her my baby's gender, I couldn’t get in contact with her for
weeks. I felt like I was chasing her by playing phone tag to just get in
contact with her.
Whenever she would finally call me, I would be on the clock at work after hours of not returning my phone call. It then struck me that she was slowly starting to avoid me.
Whenever she would finally call me, I would be on the clock at work after hours of not returning my phone call. It then struck me that she was slowly starting to avoid me.
I didn't want my consciousness
to be right about this one, though. I just didn't. We talked at least two to
three times a week.
I told her my freakin' business.
My freakin' business that I could have just kept to myself, but didn't. I felt hella close to her like we had that deep sister connection. But little did I know our strong ties
were wearing thin with my eyes wide open. If you let her tell it, I just
called her to pass the time. When that was never the case.
My
husband started to intervene with me about what was going on between her and I , and all I found myself doing was fighting back the tears. This was supposed to be
one of the happiest moments in my life (I
was pregnant for the first time, for God's sake.) I told him that she started
avoiding my phone calls after giving her advice that she asked for but did not
take well. Since then, our sister bond started fizzling out.
She
is a loner and an introvert with no friends. She knew I was that friend found
in a big sister that she wanted (so I thought.) My husband's advice to
me was, "Baby, just stop calling her since she never calls you and just see what happens."
I
agreed since I never been the type to really text message, to begin with. Then
within weeks, I hear nothing. I try to connect with her to check up with her on
Instagram, and to my surprise, she had blocked my ass and unfollowed.
I was clutching my imaginary pearls, honey! I was not pressed behind the matter either. It was a childish move to me. It didn't shock me as much as I thought it would. Once May rolled around, I was feeling better within my spirit. After two months of breaking ties with my own sister swiftly and respectfully, I found mental peace. The peace that I was praying for months ago!
The the peace that made my mama understand that I was doing what was best for my mental
health. Chile, letting go was simply a phone call never made away from my
peace. I believe that God made it this way to reveal that my own sister
was never riding for me to begin with.
She
never truly supported my dreams or decisions in life either. It's totally fine
too. There came the point in my life where I needed to become reminded that I
need to be my own best friend. That's a part of me I packed away in a duffle
bag filled with excuses. The excuses that I made for her. Not the excuses that
I made it for myself.
I take full responsibility today for being the bigger
person. I love her from a distance today because I don't agree with her
lifestyle.
I
do not agree with how she treats our mom or uncle Leonard for a social security
check. I respect the hustle and getting it out of the mud. I don't respect settling
and using your disabled uncle for a 1st if the month turns up!
Tough love hurts,
and the truth will set you free. I am not a victim, but a strong receiver of
getting it how you live. I'm so much wiser than I was before. Thankfully, I
serve a God who will never leave or forsake me. Going into 2018 feels
refreshing already! Time heals everything.
Discover your inner strength every step of the way with
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