It is going to be okay, and I know it. In just about another week, I will be seeing my daughter’s precious face, and she will be my second child. I have thought about managing motherhood, being a wife, and college student once she arrives. 

Photo by Dom Aguiar on Unsplash

I wondered as I have looked down at my swollen belly with guilt, thinking, “Will I be able to beat postpartum depression while mothering my newborn and almost-four-year-old son?” Anything is possible if you have faith and the willpower to work through it. Right? It’s been tough for me to keep my head up as I think about setting goals as a stay-at-home mom who is ambitious to go back to college just a week after giving birth both on-campus and online. 

I try not to think about the dishes that will pile in the sink. The clothes that will need to be washed and dried will turn into loads of clothes that need to be folded. I try to put it off my mind of asking time and time again my husband to help me fix the bed, vacuum and even clean the tub just so it can feel as if it is a team effort. I try to think about how I will balance all that I will be dealt with especially becoming a mother of two.

I want so much better for myself and my mental health as life progresses along. I watched my mother struggle to raise my two younger siblings and me with just a 4th-grade education. I am blessed to have broken so many generational curses as my mother’s firstborn, but I am not finished. 

I want to help my husband provide for our family. I desire to always have some type of hustle and momentum about myself and towards my passions. Sitting still and just twirling my fingers around while Netflix plays on the television in the living room for entertainment is not the day-to-day life I envision for myself, even as a stay-at-home mom. I would love for our children to see me working, even if it’s from home or throughout the week, in a different location as well. 

The dynamics of being a stay-at-home mom, just like many things, have come with pros and cons. The biggest asset that I felt was a strip from me when I became a stay-at-home mom was my independence. The main two types of independence that I lacked when I became a stay-at-home mom were financial and physical. To change the two types of independence that I lack still to this day starts with me. I must break the mold that I have set myself in after almost four years with or without the support from those in my life. 

I have been told that it feels good to know that you have something to fall back on instead of just placing all the chips on the table with a man. I love the thought of having built something of value for my family as well. My pride will never be too strong to recognize my worth.

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