It’s been one week since I packed up multiple garbage bags filled with belongings for my two children and me. My heart was enraged in pain from my husband’s words. Tears streamed down my face. As I readjusted the purple microfiber towel that was on my head. My husband of almost eight years professed with his chest and back turned that he was seeing another woman. 

He said he was no longer happy, and he had fallen out of love with me. He said it while playing his Xbox sitting on the bed; We shared that he said he hated coming home to lay in after a long day. I had to pull the truth out of him because I was confused by why he did not want to come home anymore.  I was confused about why he chose to step out of our marriage now after all these years. 

He knew I was solely dependent on him, from money to even him bringing me any and everywhere I had to go. I had my ways about myself, too, that I wanted to work on through. I would never paint him the villain, and we damn sure were not living a fairytale.  I tried to fix us. I wanted marriage counseling so we could get to the root of our issues. He did not wish to 101 counseling neither marriage counseling.

I tried to reason with him and ask him if he was serious. I wanted to beg him to stay with our children and me after I foolishly played a pitiful game of ring around the rosy with him in our living room. 

I chased him around our black leather sofa in the living room for a kiss as he held on tight to Alina with no remorse for how much of a fool I felt. I chased the man I love around a sofa for a kiss. A kiss that he felt that I was unworthy of. He was even saying that he didn’t want to touch me, kiss me, or be around me. 

I was still begging so foolishly. I broke down and screamed, yelled, all while hitting one of the closet doors with my fists and palms of my hands. During my breakdown, my husband just watched. He said a few times he was sorry and just looked at me with hopelessness in his eyes that spoke for the absence of him in our marriage. The sorrow was also filled with a tinkle of joy for him to see me mentally unhinged from his deceitfulness.

I was blindsided by his remarks and disposition. He kissed both of our children on their foreheads. He told Eli and Alina that he loved them. I had an entire breakdown as he showered, put on his clothes for the day, and witnessed me at my lowest in front of our children. Eli watched me sob uncontrollably on the sofa and came to give me a hug. His hug gave me all the reassurance that we were going to be okay. I was taking my children with me, and I was not looking back. 

I had so much adrenaline within me that I followed him outside and yelled, cursed, and challenged him to look me in my eyes and tell me exactly how he felt. Neighbors came out and some watched from the comfort of their homes the ending of us. He ended up pulling off from our driveway in his truck as I held onto our daughter with the windows still rolled up without no remorse. 

I placed my independence in his hands and never thought he would ever become so cynical. I had my bitchy moments, but I still cooked dinner, washed clothes, cared for our children, and cleaned the house that I tried to make a home. My best was never good enough, and I learned to accept it when I left. I will not ever again place my independence in the hands of another man. I will ever allow my children to see me beg any man to love me. 

Leaving my husband was one of the heartbreaking and yet life-changing things that I have ever done. I hardly had money on my debit card. I had no car to fuel and pack up and dip. I had no family in the New Orleans area to stay with. I did not know where I was going to go or how I would pay to get to where I had to go with my two children. All I knew was that I had to have faith in God and strength within myself to leave the house that I strived to make a home for 3 and a half years. 

I do not know what’s now that I am a single mother, but I have God, faith, and a plan to execute. I am willing to co-parent with my spouse to get things sorted out. This separation is what we both needed. I will regain my independence and continue to step up and be the best mother that Eli and Alina deserve. Sometimes you have to step out of whatever chaotic situation you are in to grow and rediscover yourself and your purpose.  

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  1. Sending you positive energy and prayers. Everything will work out

  2. You're a strong woman, sending you a lot of prayers. Take your time, heal yourself, be patience as God is your witness that you and your children will strive better days are coming ��