Hello, Thirty!

I know people that call this dirty thirty however I have been getting out of the mud enough in my 20s, my love. I have been talking about turning 30 and being in my thirties since I was in my early 20s. I’ve always (and I mean, always) felt like a 30-something-year-old woman. 

I have always been drawn to older women much more seasoned than me with life and its lessons since a teenager. I was always intrigued to carry and converse with 30 and older women.

It's my time to embrace this new decade of life. It’s as if I am on a stage giving a grand speech to an enduring audience of folks. I’ve been thinking about what I want to say about turning 30. I woke up to smothering hugs and kisses from my kids. I cried a little bit and had a talk with Jesus about how thankful I am to be here.

It’s also amazing that I have been blogging my life throughout my 20s here on my blog since around 2016. My thoughts and life before becoming a mother are still scarce to me. This year is personal and going forward I’m seeking my independence and happiness.

 

Mental Health

I feel so much better than I did this time a year ago. My 20 take me through so many spells of depression, fake it till you make it seasons, and panic attacks. I suffered throughout my 20s with my self-esteem, weight, and within my marriage. It feels relieving to be mentally and emotionally free of all that weight. I feel much better being single while re-discovering myself as a woman. I have also concluded therapy for the month and time that I have been in my 20s.

My Body

Looking good and feeling good go hand in hand. I feel good about the weight I have gained post-divorce. I feel confident whenever I step out or just in the house chilling. This body is a body a year and a half post baby and I love it. I have been taking great care of her from the inside out. 

My body is nourished with good vitamins, water, and meals. Staying up on my sleep every night has also been critical for me too. There won’t be big money or designer bags under these eyes in my 30s. Skincare will not be on the back burner neither will being active. I have been walking and sometimes jogging 1-2 miles 4-6 times a week depending on the weather too. Less fast food and more grocery shopping have been and will continue to be top-tier for me.

Sexuality

I used to never take any photos of myself nude. I was afraid of embracing myself unclothed or even in lingerie. I decided to buy my first set of lingerie this year just for me. I do not masturbate. I have no toys to explore with. When I am horny I just go to sleep, especially during my ovulation time. 

I am preserving my body for the right man in this era of my life. I will not be a loose woman or a careless woman with my temple. I want to learn more about what turns me on and keeps me excited in love. I also do not want to experience anything lustful at 30. I had enough of the lustful thrilling adventures at 29. Safe sex or no sex is what it’s going to be for me.

Knowing Thy Self

I am more confident in the woman that I am today than I was yesterday. This woman that I am now is reassured within herself. I do not seek to be understood, loved, or accepted by anyone. I was afraid just last year to post on my blog. I grew annoyed with feeling as if I had to defend myself for expressing my emotions on my website. Well, that’s not happening this year.

If my blog comments have to be turned off for me to speak in peace; free from the underlining judgment of others then, so be it. I’m speaking more of my truth boldly and knowingly than ever before.

I know that I love myself more than I used to. I forgive myself for everything viciously I said or thought towards my younger self. I appreciate myself for not giving up or giving in because of my circumstances or the opinions of others.

What I Am Looking forward to

Growth and expansion this year are on the rise. I graduate from my college in just shy of two weeks. I am landing a new job in a new career field. I am looking forward to purchasing my very first car and apartment. I am looking forward to going after the life I mentally and physically desire. 

I want to live to see my children happy that their mother made a way for them. I can not wait to experience the happy moments and lessons that will come with each season of this era I look forward to experiencing. 

There’s so much more living to do and thankfully I can do that more in my 30s. Traveling, building generational wealth, great credit, amazing friendships, a nice lover, and an even more intimate relationship with Christ.

 

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