I've Stopped Quickly Forgiving

in , , , by Linda B Hurd, May 08, 2024

Forgiveness is often touted as the ultimate virtue, admitting that I've become more discerning about who I forgive and how quickly I do so might seem controversial. But the truth is, that forgiveness is often touted as the ultimate virtue. I've become more discerning about who I forgive and how quickly I do so. I've understood that forgiveness doesn't equate to allowing repeated disrespect or boundary-crossing in my life.

For years, I was a believer in the power of forgiveness. I adhered to the notion that holding onto grudges only hurt me in the long run. I prided myself on my ability to forgive easily and move on. However, this approach led to a pattern of allowing people back into my life who had shown a blatant disregard for my boundaries or those who have disrespected me in significant ways.

I've always been someone who values authenticity and genuine connections. But too often, I found myself extending forgiveness to individuals who were not truly remorseful for their actions. Some people saw my forgiveness as an opportunity to repeat the same behaviors.

It took me a while to realize that forgiveness is not synonymous with reconciliation. While I can forgive someone for their actions and release any anger or resentment I may hold, it doesn't mean I am obligated to invite them back into my life or continue engaging with them on the same level.

Setting boundaries is an essential aspect of self-care and self-respect. When people allow others to disrespect their boundaries without consequences things can get unhinged. I was devaluing myself and my worth. I've come to understand that forgiving someone doesn't mean I place myself to compromise my well-being.

Learning to discern between genuine remorse and empty apologies has been a crucial part of this journey. Actions speak louder than words. If someone is truly sorry for their actions, they will demonstrate that through consistently changed behavior over time.

It's not an easy decision to stop quickly forgiving those who have wronged us, especially when societal norms often pressure us to do so. But prioritizing my own mental and emotional health has become non-negotiable. It's just fine to protect my energy and time by being more selective about who I allow into my life and who I choose to forgive.

Therefore, I'm committed to maintaining firm boundaries and holding people accountable for their actions. Forgiveness will always have its place in my life. However, in this era, forgiveness will be on my terms and in a way that honors my self-worth.

After all, true forgiveness starts with respecting oneself enough to say no to further mistreatment. Remember, forgiveness doesn't equate to allowing repeated disrespect or boundary-crossing. I won’t be allowing people to play in my face because I am a kind-hearted person to be mistreated for the sport of it.

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