I got an email that started with… ‘I secretly got on birth control… am I wrong?
This email made my eyes water, because I know too many women living this exact life in silence.
“Hey Linda, you can share this publicly if you want because I know I’m not the only woman going through this. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We have 4 kids together and live in a small two bedroom apartment. We have been here for some years now and I want better for us.
Every summer for the last few years, it may sound crazy, but I end up pregnant. So, I’m now 28 and I’m tired. I love my kids, but I don’t want to be pregnant again this summer. I really don’t, girl. I want to enjoy my body, feel like myself, and get the hell out of the apartment. Being a mama can be smothering and even as a girlfriend. I’m tired of trying to convince my boyfriend that we should get out and go on dates. He works a night shift. He comes home early in the morning by the time I’m waking up to get the kids ready for the day mad and plays his game, eat, and go to bed. When he wakes up he ready to have sex. I guess that’s just his nature, but I’m getting grossed out. Two months ago, I secretly got on birth control pills and didn’t tell him. I feel guilty just a little bit at the same time, I don’t. It feels like every time we have sex that he’s trying to get me pregnant again. I want to live outside of being called mama all the damn time. I have a real name too. I’m just over it. Am I wrong for not telling him?”
Girl, thank you so much for reaching out to me. I will say that you are not wrong for wanting control over your own body. You have graciously carried four children back-to-back and feeling like you don’t even get a break to just be you is real. Getting on birth control does not make you sneaky! Let’s get that out the way. Getting on birth control shows you are tired and you have self-awareness.
It is a great thing that you are looking to protect yourself from repeating a cycle that you do not want to go through again. However, I will say this with love, okay? The bigger issue is not the birth control pill, it is the fact that you do not feel comfortable enough to say out loud, “I don’t want another baby.”
You deserve to be able to have a voice in your own relationship. You are desiring to have one summer where you are not pregnant, where your body is yours, where you can breathe and feel like a woman again is not selfish it is necessary. Necessary for your mental health and happiness. I want you to make sure you do not stay in a situation where you must keep choosing silence just to have control. Y’all relationship deserves for both of you to honesty and peace to thrive.
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