They Didn’t Clap for Me But I Still Won | TA of the Year Reflection

I recently experienced a moment in my life that felt bigger than the title that came with it. Being named TA of the Year was one of those moments for me. Not because of the award itself, but because of everything it represents.

pexels

I am talking about the brisk, rainy, and foggy mornings, the long afternoon days, the patience, the growth, and the version of me that refused to give up even when life felt heavy. I showed up every single day for my students, even when my own children were going through their storms, I showed up for my responsibilities, and for myself. This time, it did not go unnoticed.

However, let’s be honest everyone will not celebrate your come up.

There will be people who look at your accomplishments and question your worth. Some of these same people will have backhanded ways of humbling you and your efforts. There will of course be the people who stay silent on purpose. Then it is the people who clap for others loudly in your face but go quiet when it is your turn. Oh, you are not careful, you will start to internalize that silence. You will wonder if you deserved it or if you should not be happy about it. You can even question if it was luck, timing, or anything other than your hard work.

I had to remind myself of something real: their reaction has nothing to do with me.

Not everyone has the capacity to celebrate others. This is especially true when they are dealing with their own insecurities, comparisons, or unspoken feelings. Some people struggle to acknowledge what they did not expect from you. Some people are used to a version of you that was still figuring things out! Then when you evolve, it makes them uncomfortable. Nevertheless, that discomfort is not your burden to carry.

For me, this award hits deeper because of where I came from. I spent over two years working from home, in an isolated space, doing my job quietly while parenting at the same time, without recognition, without moments like this. I never had a title attached to my name like this before. I was never “of the year.” So, stepping into a new career field, pushing myself, learning in real time, and still managing to stand out… that means something to me.

It means growth.

It means boldness.

It means I trusted myself enough to try something different and it paid off.

Even if nobody else said it, I know the truth: I worked for this.

I earned every bit of it through consistency. People may laugh at say it’s only because you were used as a substitute throughout all grade levels and that is it and that’s all. I can only nod and say sure. However, I know I showed up when motherhood was not looking it’s best, raising my kids without any support system and no breaks, I was showing up even when my walk to the school wore me out.  Of course, I could have called out, even when I could have easily done the bare minimum. I chose not to. I chose to care. I chose to be present. I chose to give my students the best of me, and that choice is what brought me here. I was present throughout the insults, the shortcomings, and the whispers.

So no, I will not dim this moment because everyone did not clap. I will not question my worth, because someone else couldn’t acknowledge it. There are people who have been in my position for years and have never earned this recognition. I will not let quiet rooms make me feel like I am not making noise in my own life. I am. This is what growth looks like.
This is what elevation feels like. This is just the beginning for me.