Down here in Louisiana, I have learned not to waste my breath trying to drag folks where they don’t wanna go. Here are a few things that I have learned in the month of January to carry me along the way for this year in no order.
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becoming her
I have so much peace! Living alone has taught me things no relationship ever has. There is a quiet power in having a space that belongs only to you. I love being able to come to every decision, every routine, and every moment of rest without asking a man if it’s okay before I go lay down. My apartment is not just where I live. It's where I decompress. Reset, This is where I come back to myself without explanation or interruption.
I did not enter this next season trying to get belts for being one of God’s strongest soldiers. I entered into this season trying to become more protected. After everything I had no choice but to release this year. I had to decide what was worth guarding and what no longer deserved access to me.
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People have been asking me, “Lynn, will you have your kids this Christmas?” According to the rotation, this was supposed to be their dad’s holiday. However, this year, my kids will be with me. I am not giving into the feeling of the need to explain every detail or defend how it happened. I am choosing to sit with what is and what it will be, which is quiet and we will enjoy the priceless gift of togetherness.
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Lessons have been well learned for me and my emotional ass especially before my cycle came. I have learned this month to stop expecting and having expectations for certain people to show up the way I would have for them. Being a writer, I love character development. I develop traits for people I interact with during the week and month in my mind as I study them. December had a way of slowing me down and not just when it came to fighting for my immune system. This month was forcing me to pay attention to patterns. Patterns that had been ignored for far too long.
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This Halloween season, I have made the sound decision that I am not dressing up. I am laying some versions of myself to rest.
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Taking the time to look back and realize how much can change in a year can leave you speechless. At least that’s how I feel when you have been walking with God, protecting your peace, and finally choosing you!
