Just one week from today, I will be in labor and delivery. Whew. I’m nervous and yet excited to meet my second child. My three-and-a-half-year-old Eli has been giving my belly so many kisses and squeezes that I’m sure he will be captivated when he meets his baby sister for the very first time. I have been taking in these last few days of Eli being an only child with grace. The count down doesn't get any more real until I am in a hospital bed pushing with anticipation etched within my heart. 

39 weeks pregnant

My husband has been preparing many of the baby things and trying his best to get more sleep. I have been nesting and trying to stay off my extremely swollen feet. 

My secondary lymphedema is now combined with lots of water retention. It’s uncomfortable for me to walk after the swelling takes over and my feet begin to tingle. I can only fit one pair of my sneakers, and I struggle to put on any pair of compression socks that I own. I have been to the cardiologist and have had a few major tests and scans done on my heart to ensure that I don’t have any blockages or even congested heart failure. 

My edema is the worst it has ever been and I strive to keep my feet elevated while at home and keep my water intake high. Going to the heart doctor during this time is helping me to remain on the safe side and know without a doubt that my body is still in a healthy state while carrying my daughter. 

I have gained about 53 pounds this pregnancy, and I choose not to look down on myself because of it. My body has been changing in so many ways these past nine months for the health and growth of my second child, and I am beyond thankful to have made it to being full-term. I have been catering to emotions and even issues throughout my entire pregnancy, especially with my immediate family. Although there has not been very little of any exchange of love, care, or communication, I have been trying these past nine months to still be emotionally there for my siblings and mama. 

Not having a baby shower or a professional maternity photoshoot did not bother me as it worried some others in my life. I have been journaling so much during this pregnancy, both physically and with pen and paper, and by doing audio journals and baby bump selfies, I have a lot to look back on once my daughter gets here. It’s an amazing and breathtaking thought that I am going to be a mother of two children! This pregnancy has challenged me to look deeper within myself and my passions. I almost put off finishing my associate this semester out of fear of not handling it all. 

My husband and I have had many arguments throughout my entire pregnancy, and it has not been all peachy keen as many people would predict my marriage to be during this time. I also do not know for sure if this will be my last pregnancy. People kept asking me if my husband and I would try for baby number three, and it is just too soon to stand on a solid decision this early on for me. Still, I want to enjoy my two children for about three to four years before considering getting pregnant again.

I have so much that I want to accomplish outside of my home life as a mom and wife, and I want to get a taste of being in my career field (unless God has a plot twist in-store). My mental health took many blows during this pregnancy, and I just want to not slip into postpartum depression after my daughter arrives. I am going to do my very best to make it through postpartum as sane as possible.

I am afraid of feeling alone even when I have a hard-working spouse. I am afraid of being inadequate on days that I may be sleep-deprived and have so much to get done. All I can do is not overthink and allow God to continue to lead me as I grow as a woman, wife, and mother.

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  1. Hey Linda you are remarkable and so transparent . Thank you gor sharing with us all your highs and lows . I will keep you in my prayers

    1. Thank you oh so much! I deeply appreciate you and thank you for the prayers.