Baby, forget goblins! One of the scariest things in this life is watching another birthday pull into the driveway while your dreams are still sitting on the porch, waiting on you with a cup of ice water in hand.

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There is a special kind of fear in waking up and realizing your life does not fit you anymore. Your mind has moved on. Your standards have gotten higher. The thing you used to tolerate now gets on your last damn nerve. You want better, however wanting better and being able to pay for better are two different things. That gap right there? Spookier than any ghost or goblin I have ever seen.

What's scarier than Halloween? A man spinning the block just to have sex with a woman he used to deal with! BABY, THAT'S SPOOKY ASF! It is always a good time to look at the concerning rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) right here in Louisiana and in our neighboring cities. Some of these men are not coming back because they miss you, love you, or suddenly realized your worth. They are coming back because they want access to what they used to have without offering anything different! 

Listen, Halloween can keep ghosts, goblins, and creepy crawlers in night. At this big grown age, I know the real scares come with a due date. Maybe a warning light, a school message sent at 9:47 p.m., or a grocery receipt long enough to qualify as a novella.