This Christmas will be different. I am separated from my husband of eight years and have two children. I have a better outlook on what happiness means to our children and me. Last year, if someone had told me that it would be my last Christmas as a mother of one in the house, we shared I would have cherished it a little more. I would have loved myself more and kissed my husband with more passion and intensity.

We are just two weeks away from Christmas. I have adapted to the hotel living with my two kids just fine. Money is tight. My faith is bigger than a mustard seed. I’ve learned how I had to gently break away from having expectations of others in all ways. What I have learned about myself during this separation that’s leading to a divorce is that I must practice my love language on myself. I cannot be sitting in my room feeling guilty and having the blues about anything. 

I'm still shocked that it's already December! We are almost close to ending this year with a bang, baby! We not going out for 2021 bitter, upset, and punching at the air. Oh no, indeed. This year has been one hell of a year. As many of you know, my husband and I went our separate ways in late October. It was enlightening and heartbreaking all at the same time. 

I'm here, but I am not alone. I am here with God and my children. My son and my daughter have no idea where we are. They do not know how we ended up living out of an extended stay hotel. I have the answers for them in the future, even if the question is never asked. This is my first Thanksgiving without my spouse. It hurts. I feel defeated from allowing my past self to have my current and two kids going through this. My codependency on my spouse was too intense, and I am finally breaking free. 

Photo by Kiy Turk on Unsplash